| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My bf watch too much porn and he gets himself relief by watching but he still want to have sex with me and wanted to do it from behind but I won't let him and he doesn't understand when I tell him no. He tells me I'm no fun, I did what he wanted me to do but one thing he asked I wouldn't do it and now he wants nothing to do with me. Why do guys like to do girls from behind, to me it's disgusting!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2014): Oh, my geebus! I thought this was from a younger woman, maybe 19 or 20, at most. Since a grown woman should be able to use words properly to describe her situation and feelings, I have to assume this isn't even about anal at all, just sex 'from behind', and to that notion I say: GET OVER YOURSELF!
If he is "manipulating" you to do things you don't want to do, then you are being just as manipulative and controlling by refusing to do things he wants to do. It's hypocritical, the way one person in a relationship can say they want (fill in the blank -- more romance, spontaneity, passion, intimacy, flowers, jewelry) and that's okay to demand getting, or else complain of being unsatisfied and unfulfilled,whether their partner is interested in these things or not. Yet, if one half of a relationship wants more lust, more diversity, variety, more enthusiasm, and maybe even a little more 'freaky', or else this partner just won't feel satisfied and fulfilled, well, then that person is clearly a manipulative jerk that should be treated like dirt for liking the things they like?
This was purposefully left gender-unbiased, since it is a known fact that there are plenty of relationships where these roles are reversed.
How dare any modern woman -- who is assumed to take things like equality for granted (at least compared to the women of just a few short decades ago) -- take such a selfish and unilateral stance. What you want is okay, what he wants is sick and gross? What if he thinks that cutting a living beautiful part of nature that feeds bees and birds down in order to present to you as a symbol of his (what, love? ). Perhaps he thinks it's sick that you feel better about your relationship based upon his willingness to kill on your behalf? What if he brought you a bouquet of dead birds and bees, instead? Why is that any different, conceptually?
To clarify, I think a true relationship includes both partners giving what the other needs, even with a little sacrifice at times, and also includes both partners taking a risk and trying something new once in a while. New to one of them is okay, but even better if both feel open to explore their dreams and fantasies, without fear of having to hear: "that's gross".
Sexuality is not gross, even 'from behind'. Maybe if you'd ever had the blessing of a truly passionate relationship, you'd have already known this. It's not too late for you to get off the prude train. A lot of freaky shit goes down in nursing homes, you know.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 No, Caring Aunt A, don't worry :).. the OP does not mean her ex has blown up her phone literally, with dynamite - just that he has been calling her repeatedly and insistently. It's USA slang.
If you are not in love with him- let him go. Ignore him. You could always find someone who you fall in love with AND are more compatible sexually.
Plus, I think the fact of having been kicked out of your place jusst like that, out of the blue ( must be very inconvenient for him ..) must have something to do with his anxiety to reconnect.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (6 July 2014):
 I’m not sure what you mean by him “blowing up” your phone/mobile? If he has damaged or smashed it I would expect he’d not be interested in paying for another one... If possible, remove the SIM Card and buy yourself another Mobile/Phone and firmly tell him, that’s no way to treat you, your property and he has to leave!
If he continues or shows any other violent behaviour towards you; make sure you get a neighbour to call the Police...!
Remind him that he is the one “who didn’t want anything to do with you” (because of the behind sex). He doesn’t like it when you don’t want anything to do with him!? It was his jerk behaviour that caused this! He should be pleased to be giving permission to leave to find someone else, so he can be a jerk with them!
Instead his feeling rejected, is to take it out on you, let him leave!
CAA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2014): Thanks to everyone who answered my question. I do appreciate all the answers. I told my jerk of a bf that anal sex is not my thing, and I told him I'm done with our relationship. He didn't like it but he has no choice but to move out. Now he blowing up my phone wanting me to take him back. What do I do. I need some advise. I love this guy but I'm not in love with him. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (5 July 2014):
Are you referring to anal sex? Because if you are, I suggest you say to him, “Honey I’ve seen this porn actor take it from behind and it looks like fun for you guys... How about I get a cucumber (Lebanese) or a strap on dildo and whack it up your arse?” (Don’t forget the lubrication!) I can only imagine he’d refuse and think it’s disgusting?
Your boyfriend is a disrespecting, disgusting jerk that doesn’t treat you right... Be done with him!
CAA
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (4 July 2014):
 My abusive ex used to manipulate me to having anal sex. (I assume that is what you are referring to.) I never enjoyed it and each time was painful.
This brings up major red bells for me. I would leave-run from this guy. He clearly doesn't care for you as a person and your worth more then to be someone's sex object.
I'm confident he'll be contacting you again and when he does my advice is to tell him to get lost.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): It would be for the best if you were well and truly shot of him. It's never too late to find anybody, so you should cut this one loose and hold out for someone who won't shit all over your boundaries.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 July 2014):
 So why stay with him, You two are not compatible sexually and since he is withholding himself from you in "punishment" because you won't do whatever it is he wants sexually he is manipulating you into going, OK let's try.
If it's anal you refuse to do, I don't blame you. If it's vaginal penetration with him behind you then maybe trying it while spooning so it feels more like cuddling while having sex?
Though all in all if he acts this way, I'd walk away.
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