A
female
age
41-50,
*ountryaly76
writes:Ok I'm back with more questions. I am still in the LDR. But have made some much needed changes. I no longer pay for everything but with that change it means he doesn't see me hardly at all. So this is probably the last straw. This weekend I drive 3 hours to see him and he keeps me waiting for 2 hours while he was working in a friends house. The friend is a girl by the way. I dint feel like I'm important to him. What should I do.[Mod note: background here http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-get-him-to-tell-his.html and here http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ldr-but-he-is-not-opening-his-world.html ] Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 July 2013):
 yes it has to happen.
do not call him
do not drive to see him
do not lay out one more penny on this user.
I'm so sorry and I know this hurts so badly. Hugs to you.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (14 July 2013):
 You are doing the right thing and you can only look for the good in someone for so long before you have to admit to yourself that things are not going well...
So good assessment! Time for a life change and hopefully on to better things xxx
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A
female
reader, countryaly76 +, writes (14 July 2013):
countryaly76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the advice, I know I should have ended it before, but I always try to see the good in people so I thought it was worth one note chance because I've grown to care a lot about him and his children. So in struggling with breaking up with him, but I know it has to happen
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 July 2013):
Another vote for dump him; stop being his payday and find a guy that cares about you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 July 2013):
 Have you been to his home yet?
I think you know it's over, you just don't want to believe it yet. Sorry it didn't work out.
The bad news is that he's not relationship material. The good news is that you've only put in a few months of your precious time.
Drop him as he's clearly not going to make this happen for you two. In fact, he's doing pretty much everything he can to tank it.
Sorry. :/
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 July 2013):
 Is it really the last straw? How many last straws are you going to have?
This relationship is going nowhere, let me repeat that NO WHERE!! You need to sit down and have a serious chat with your self, get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. At the top of the first column write "why I should continue to be (insert his name)'s doormat" Across the second column write "why I should not"
Now fill in the columns and then do the sums, if you have more reasons to continue as you are than you do to stop, then just get used to the idea this is your life .... until the reasons against out number the reasons for and the balance changes.
This is your life, you are creating these circumstances, only you, and only you can change it.
Good luck with that .... or not!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2013): Stop contacting him and ignore him half the time when he contacts you. That way you are not letting him go cold turkey but you are gradually getting use to not needing him as much. Ultimately, unless he makes a total change and becomes a man, you will need to let it fade out, work on your self esteem and move forward.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 July 2013):
 How desperate are you if you hold onto this loser? I read your other two threads, and you should have dumped him long ago. Not "made changes", but gone.
Every day now is on you and you're bringing this pain on yourself, because you know he should have been gone a long time ago, but you either cannot or will not do what you know you should. The fact that you're exposing your kids to him (and your moods when dealing with him) means you have lost control of your life as far as he's concerned.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (13 July 2013):
 I remember your previous question from when you were on holiday with him and he brought his kids without telling you and without telling them who you were and why you were there and then expected you to pay for them.
I believe the general consensus was that you should dump him as soon as possible. Instead you continue to be a total doormat to him by driving several hours to see him. Why?
Sorry to be blunt, but no, you are not important to him. It's obvious. Now that you are no longer paying his way, he doesn't really give a crap. You think you have made changes but you haven't achieved anything. If he didn't care before, when you were giving him money, he's not suddenly going to wake up and realise that actually you're a great person and he loves you and wants to be with you. It's more likely to have had the opposite effect because you have taken away the one thing that in his eyes was good about you. I'm not saying this to be mean to you, but rather to try to make you see how he sees you.
You're wasting your time with him and you're being a complete fool for him. You need to leave him.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 July 2013):
Dump him if you arn't happy and you feel like he's using you to pay for everything.
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