A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,A couple weeks ago I decided to end a 1 yr realationship with my boyfriend who is 17 yrs older than me. He is a divorced father, he has a daughter that is eight years old. I ended the realtionship due to the fact that I felt lonely and neglected, I was very much in love with my boyfriend but I couldn't handle having my needs and feelings neglected. I understand that a child's needs come first, but I feel that this statement is often used as an excuse to keep from pulling one's own load in a relationship. There were many occasions I have neglected my own emotional needs to cater to his inconviences, for example everytime we wanted to go out to a movie, his daughter would tear up and beg him to let her come over for the weekend, he would give in and apologize, of course I couldn't say anything, I would just swallow it up and cry after. It eventually became overwhelming for me because there was always a constant interferrence with me spending quality time with him...and it always had something to do with his daughter, she would even get sick on purpose...no child gets sick every weekend. Again what can I say? Im only 23 yrs old, I need my needs met too. I totally support a man who takes care of his kid/s, but don't date me if you cant balance a relationship and parenthood. I tried making this relationship work because I didn't want to disqualify him because he was a single dad. Single dads need love too, but after this experience I dont want anything to do with men with kids. After I decided to end it, he calls me back begging me to reconsider my decision; he called me a selfish individual for leaving him for such a "petty" reason. How am I selfish because I want to be loved by someone who has the time and energy to give it to me? He told me that he loves me and he wants to be the one who gives me a long term relationship. Should I feel guilty about the decison I made to leave?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): No, I don't think you should feel guilty. I think you did the right thing. There's a significant age difference (the gap only widens as you both age), and his priority right now is (and should be) his daughter. It doesn't sound like he can balance both of you.
Give yourself a hug, a break from dating, and then I would recommend finding someone closer to your own age, with whom you have more things in common. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!
Good luck! :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): You and his daughter seem to have the same "her or me" attitude.
The only way this relationship could work is if you worked on becoming a family...doing things together and enjoying the time all 3 of you spend together.
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