A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This might sound a little stupid but i am going to ask it anyway and it is more to see what are people's sides when it comes to this topic. So i have been in a relationship with this wonderful guy for like a year an a half, he is in his mid 20s and i am in my early 20s. The other day we were both at home watching tv (we don't live together, he were at his place) and we saw a comercial about condoms or something along those lines and he said "now that i think if it, you do not really know what it feels like to have sex with a condom". The reason why he said this is because I lost my virginity to him and we have never used a condom in the year we have been sexually active together (I have always used the pill though so we are pretty much set in that respect). We both trust each other and we have been in a committed and exclusive realtionship since the beginning so I know we have nothing to worry about when it comes to stds and things like that (especially him since he is the only guy I have even been with). But resently I have been listening to people saying you can never trust anyone 100% espcially since we are not married. I trust him 100% and I know he trusts me the same way too. So do you guys think? Do you guys think that even after using the pill and being in a committed relastionship one still needs to resort to condoms because of the issues of stds? What if you trust your partner enough to believe he/she is clean and have only been with you during the time of your relationship? Is one being too naive?This is mostly out of curiosity I am asking this question but I would like to hear people's opinions in the matter :)
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condom, lost my virginity, std, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 October 2011):
 You can't even trust married people to be honest... that being said... I don't use condoms with my partner.
he had STD testing and I trust him
I had STD testing and he trusts me.
IF you trust each other and you are both testing free of STDs and you are on birth control pills... I personally don't have a problem with your choice. but it's YOUR choice.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 Birth control is safer than a condom. You are not putting yourself at risk for pregnancy if you use birth control. However, if not used correctly, you are putting yourself at risk. I know plenty of people who SAY they were on birth control, but in reality they skipped the pills, they were just too embarrassed to admit it to anyone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): I find it alarming how many couples will discuss every possible STD topic but not even touch the biggest safe sex issue of all: What if birth control fails? Do you want to be a parent?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): I think if you guys are not married, there is no amount of trust that should allow him not to use a condom; and I am not saying that you guys have to get married.I just think you're taking a risk when you purposely allow a man to not use a condom. Also, unless you have seen the test results or the two of you were tested together, I would not take his word for it. Trust aside, you're placing yourself at risk for pregnancy and a potential STD. Like one reader said, many symptoms are not obvious and many people do not get tested. Aside from potentially catching a STD, you're placing yourself at risk for getting pregnant. I just had this conversation with one of my close friends that did allow her boyfriend not to use a condom and she is not 5 weeks pregnant. Her response, 'I was taking birth control'...birth control is not 100%. All in all, it's your decision. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks chigirl! he did get checked so he entered our relationship free, i think that is one of the first things he did during the first stages of our relationship. My question is more in general what do people think about having a condom free sex life with someone you are in a serious committed relationship as long as both people are clean. I think its ok, I was just curious as too what people think of it. I have a lot of friends who have horrible relationships and are biased to think you cannot trust any man whatsoever because of their past experiences so they think I am crazy to trust my bf as much as I do even after knowing how great he is and that he is clean, but I have a lot of other friends who think I'm lucky and that its perfectly fine... So I was just curious to know what other people thought about the topic in general.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (4 October 2011):
It is ok in my book to trust your partner to not cheat on you, and to not use condoms. However, you can not trust him to magically know whether or not he has an std. He needs to be checked at the doctors and get the tests done. Then you and him will know. It's not about trust, it's about actually getting it checked, as your boyfriend can't possibly sit and analyze his own wee or blood well enough to know whether he has anything or not.
Get checked. Then have condom free sex. But always get checked first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionperson12345 thank you for your response, i think he did get tested and showed up to be clean and according to him our relationship is the only relationship he's had that he's never used a condom. He is very trustworthy and our relationship is a great one. What sparked my curiosity is listening to stories of other people who think you should never trust someone as much as I trust him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): "I have been listening to people saying you can never trust anyone 100%"What they are saying is "I just want you to know that I can't be trusted 100%."Keep that in mind when you are talking to people. These people do have these attitudes, and they really can't be trusted "100%". They often say this about your special loves and when you trust they warn you against it. They are not friends of your relationship, they introduce you to uncertainty about those you love."you can never trust anyone 100% espcially since we are not married"Marriage doesn't confer trust. Married or not married has nothing to do with it.Trust is an incredible honor, and an incredible responsibility.Trust means you are making yourself vulnerable to the other person, it does not mean that you won't be betrayed. I trusted my wife 100%, really did. She never trusted me that way till after we had been together for over 15 years.She simply could not trust someone because of issues from her past. She had the affair, not me, and was so horrified that she had done this that she is still in counseling years later. I had opportunities, but never engaged in them, and it was only after she confessed (not had, it wasn't till she confessed) her affair that she started trusting me "100%" and it is very hard for her to do so even today. She made herself very vulnerable to me, and I could have devastated her by leaving, by telling the children, by telling our friends, etc...but I didn't, and when that happened she really began, and I do say she just began, to really trust someone for the first time in her adult life.Why? Childhood and family of origin issues. In her family lying was an art form, everybody lied to everybody, and she figured I was the same way as her father even though we don't even have much of anything in common.Only I wasn't...but she didn't have a frame of reference for that.I can still trust her, even though she has confessed a pile of lies that staggers the imagination. Why? Because I can trust, because I can trust myself, and because she confessed the lies and the reasons for them and works to heal the rift. I'm no Pollyanna. It takes strength and fearlessness to trust someone absolutely. Betrayal can lead to fear and mistrust. When you have been betrayed, in order to trust again you have to look at yourself, insure that you are not psychologically unsound, insure that you are making reasonable assumptions, get help to have an outside opinion, and then you decide what to do or what not to do.Go figure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI completely agree with you 19reginna84, before anything happened between the two of us we did discuss the amount of people he was with before me and it was not an alarming number and he told me he was clean. He has gain my trust and I gained his too so I am not worried about anything since our relationship turned really serious at a very early stage, which I have to admit I am very happy about. But it is also nice to hear what other people think about the use of condoms and safety in general so thanks for sharing your opinion on the matter :)
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 October 2011):
 If they seem really trustworthy and were virgins, then sure. But if they've had previous sexual partners they may not even know if they have an STD (many are asymptomatic in men). It's not a trust thing if he just doesn't know it's there. It's better just to have him get tested.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): I think that you can trust someone you are in a commited relationship with as long as that person has proven trustworthy. I do think disclosure of "i have had this many partners before you" is a good idea, and I do think that STD testing is a good idea between partners if you break up (at that point even if you do trust them, just to be safe.)
I think you're fine at this point.
I do think there are people who cannot be trusted on this and who do have an STD, and they will not tell you and will happily spread it along because "condoms get in the way" or whatever excuse they have. So, that's why I think it is wise to get to know your partner for a while before intimacy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): I usually say be careful, but my fiance and I have been together 5 years (sexually active 4 of them) and have only used condoms once or twice in the beginning. (I am on the pill plus we use the pull out method on top of that)... So I really think ymmv. ( I am regularly tested though due to my autoimmune disease and my gyno worrying)
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