A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:modNote:two almost the same posts joined into one.My boyfriend has been talking and seeing his ex behind my back, they were together a very long time and he's still not over her. We have been together a year and he says he loves me and wants to be with me but the trust is gone. So I told him we needed a break, that I didn't trust him and that's no way to have a relationship. I told him he needs to decide what he wants becasue I should be top priority in his life and he needs to choose. He was pretty upset with me and stormed out. I don't know if I should let him be so he can work out his issues, this is very hard becasue I love him and want him in my future but he has to become a one woman man. I hope I made right desision? So my boyfriend of one year was talking and seeing his ex behind my back. He's confused and still has feelings for her in my opinion but he says he's sorry and loves me ad wants to be with me, but I have lost trust for him ad have been a mess about the whole thing. So I finally decided to tell him we need a brake. I don't want to lose him but he needs to decide what he wants and has to be that one woman man that I need. I don't want to loss him but I can't be an opinion either. This is very hard for me and when I told him he got mad and tried to leave but first I explained why this needed to happen, we can't have a relationship built on no trust as lies, I wan to get married and have more kids I he can see me in his future then come back and we'll start fresh if not he needs to walk away. I hope I did the right thing. Any advice? My boyfriend has been talking and seeing his ex behind my back, they were together a very long time and he's still not over her. We have been together a year and he says he loves me and wants to be with me but the trust is gone. So I told him we needed a break , that I didn't trust him and that's no way to have a relationship. I told him he needs to decide what he wants becasue I should be top priority in his life and he needs to choose. He was pretty upset with me and stormed out. I don't know if I should let him be so he can work out his issues, this is very hard becasue I love him and want him in my future but he has to become a one woman man. I hope I made right desision?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2012): Its good to see you have made the decision to end it. It is a struggle with someone you love but you have made the choice I hope things work out for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI ended it, it's hard but you are all right, no trust no relationship. Thank you for the advice!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): Did he tell you he was seeing/talking to his ex, or is this something you found out on your own? He gets mad at you & storms out when he is the one in the wrong.
You can't be in a relationship with someone you can't trust. Don't let him waste any more of your time while he tries to decide who he wants.
I hope you stay strong & don't contact him. He isn't the one.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (16 September 2012):
 Hi
Hes hung up on his Ex and still seeing her. Says it all. He has to choose,at the moment he has you both on a string.
Personally I would leave him be, let him have his Ex, if he decides or SHE decides its not going anywhere he will want you.That makes you 2nd best.
Sadly this man is not going to make you happy. He has broken the trust and you deserve better treatment and a man who is 100% yours. x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 September 2012):
 My advice is to set RULES while on this break. That means NO dating, NO sex with other. If this is a time for reflection, other people and sex should NOT come in the mix. Also you need to set rules for contact or no contact.
Good luck, I don't think he will give up his ex. Specially if he is not over her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): You need to let him go. He doesn't appreciate or value you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you're constantly in doubt of his feelings for you or his ex for that matter? Do you really want to go through more time to feel insecure? Is that how little you think of yourself. No relationship is perfect but why stay with a cheater or someone who hurts you just because he says he loves you? Get rid of all the garbage in your life, clean it up and look for someone new who will cherish you, you'll be happy you did. Have some self-worth and dignity, you deserve happiness and you deserve to be in a relationship with trust and value. Your the same age category as I am, soon, forties, really, do you want to keep wasting time with such a undeserving guy who didn't think of you enough to be faithful or keep you happy or even keep your trust? You'll never find Mr.Right hanging on to Mr.Wrong. You stated your a mess, then, start cleaning yourself up. Upon reading your question, your a mess due to confusion about him? There should be no confusion, you did your part as a good, honest, faithful, loving woman unless your not saying something, he didn't do his part. Why hang on? There are men out there, faithful, good hearted men looking for a woman like you, to love and take care of. Why be with someone you will always have to question?
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