A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke up with my boyfriend of two years. It wasn't a bad break up at all, but after going through emotional problems I brought the idea of separating up and we mutually agreed that our relationship was unrealistic at this point (we live long distance). We decided we should just remain as friends, best friends even. I am disappointed it didn't work out... but at the same time I feel quite relieved. It's bitter sweet for sure, but I feel as if some weight has been taken off my shoulders and it honestly feels good to be single right now. Long distance was hard and I will probably never put myself in that situation again.Even after our break up, we are talking and texting daily. The only thing different is there is no sexual aspect to our relationship and no more I love you's.I'm starting to think it NOT a good idea to still be this close to each other though. To be honest it's him that is the one who keeps initiating texts, talks, and messages several times a day. I just respond. Maybe I'm too scared of telling him we need to distance ourselves... After I get over this cloudy feeling of a breakup, I'd like to start dating (or just have fun) other people. It feels that, if we are still this close, it will be awkward to date and see other guys.Curious on other people's opinions... should ex's remain friends and be this close after a break up? Is it healthy? Should we start to limit our interactions?
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (2 April 2015):
 If you're both happy to be in contact and it doesn't affect anyone else, then you can continue enjoying each others' friendship.
However if one of you starts a relationship with someone else, you will probably want to back off a little, have less contact and maybe not talk about very personal things anymore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2015): I'm sure it works for some people. But I don't stay friends with exs. It always seems to me that one person still likes the other and when you start dating new people it causes problems. Plus if you've not long been broken up it's sort of dragging it out and not moving on.
I only ever stayed friends with one of my exs against my better judgement as we'd had an amicable break up. We ended up dating again a few years later, broke up again (not so amicably!)and are not friends anymore.
I wouldn't do it again.
I once had a friend that joked 'if you don't want to have sex with them , then what's the point' I kind of agree lol
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 April 2015):
 I don't think the constant contact is a great idea. I mean first of all IF you start dating, do you think a NEW guy would be OK with you you constantly texting an ex? Because it's NOT like the two of you are friends, you are EXES. Now maybe a year down the line when there is NO more "romantic" emotions you CAN be friends (if you feel you NEED to and BOTH your partners can handle it.)
But in general, I DO think it is easier to let someone go, if you aren't constantly reminded of them.
Not everyone is ABLE to BE friends after a break up, because they still see them as "the one who got away" or she/he was really a perfect match, so when they get into a new relationship or have problems they lean on the ex for advice and attention.
You can tell him that you need to cut the contact a bit, because the break up is still new and you need to process it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2015): You are onto a golden egg!
Well,that is if you and him can manage the intricacies of this emerging friendship.
It is difficult for a while (I'd say 1-2 years) but IF it works out,I think it can be truly one of your best "friendships" so to speak.
Why is "friendship" in brackets?Well,because it is not exactly like a normal friendship-it is closer but all the better for it,I think,as your ex will hopefully reach a point where they can be very honest (even blunt) with you, and this could helpfully allow you to grow and develop emotionally and mature.
There is no animosity on either side so you've got the perfect start.
I'd say,yes, try and stay friends,but limit contact a bit and start to throw in "Oh,hi,I was just coming back from my date with X. How was your day?" See how he will handle it.
You're far away (geographically speaking) so even better. What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel.
You're not together so you should not feel guilty for going out with whoever you like.
Look,good relationships (including friendships) take work, lots of work and selfishness.
Throughout our lives we have platonic and non-platonic relationships that start, blossom and die OR that start,blossom and you keep smelling the sweet aroma of the flower.
But to smell it, you have to water the plant, make sure it has its nutrients, it's put in the right place (i.e. has enough sunlight) etc. etc.
Right now you're in the right place. You still have to do all the other things. Whether this friendship develops into a healthy or unhealthy one is DEPENDANT on BOTH of you.
I'd say: try. At least. There is growing pains btw (a tiny bit of jealousy creeping in here or there in the beginning) but essentially you should just treat him like any other friend! No sex EVER again!
And in the future, you should become comfortable around his other partners (i.e. seeing them kissing etc. Same goes for him. Your heart must NOT be in a flutter if he is kissing someone else in front of you,for example).
If it becomes unhealthy,you can always end the friendship.
But since you've got nothing to lose and only something to maybe gain,I'd say go for it. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2015): Its a habit and hard to break. Both people lose something. Things may not hit you until you date someone else and it goes badly and then seek the comfort of your ex. You may meet someone and just click and then your ex fades into the background.
If you initiated the break up you will feel more in control and more accepting and ahead in the game so to speak. He's probably a bit behind you in that aspect and at a different level. He's reaching out to you as it's comforting and maybe he's in the denial stage.
Be prepared for things to become more challenging as things sink in for him
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