A
male
age
30-35,
*onfusedN
writes:I have had a very stable relationship with my girlfriend for 2 years now. We rarely ever get into arguments, I think I can remember 1 in our 2 year relationship. We also recently went on holiday together for a week, which was absolutely amazing. We met at university and I graduated a year before her although we are both born the same year. She had commitments that kept her away for 2 months helping install water sources in third world countries and that 2 month long distance turned closer to 4 months when she got back because she was staying at home. I'm not sure how we coped with it as well as we did, but we did without any incident. This year she graduated and moved back home, away from university and where I live. It had been another 2 months since we had seen each other before we went on our week holiday and so far it has been another month and a half after. Come September (currently July) she will be moving in with a few friends much closer to me so the long distance would be over, but I'm having doubts now.I'm not sure if it's to do with the long distance finally taking it's toll or the same repeated questions I get day in day out that are making me less and less inclined to answer. She'd ask what I was up to every couple of hours and I feel like I send the same response every time, because well, I wasn't up to anything different from when she last asked me. I'd tell her my plans for the day and she'd always say "are you excited?" and I barely get out more than a yes now because well really if I wasn't excited about doing something, I just wouldn't do it. It feels like conversation for the sake of conversation. I should add that we have always been fine in person when it comes to communication. We are comfortable enough to be silent around each other, or to have in-depth conversations. This whole talking through Facebook with the exact same questions day in day out are starting to wither away my patience (I'm not one for phone conversations really). She also seems to keep me updated with the most pointless of things that in most cases are almost impossible to respond to. I don't feel like I am able to talk to her about it considering we aren't in person and if I were to bring up anything long distance it would exacerbate the situation.None of this had been an as big an issue (although it was growing into one) before I went to a small music/poetry festival filled with likeminded people. I met an amazing girl there who like myself was in a long distance relationship. She had been with her guy for 3 years, I had been with my girlfriend for 2. We were practically the same person in terms of interests, music and everything else and it was really nice to be able to spend the majority of the festival with her whilst all the single people did their own thing and none of it was smalltalk. Only afterwards did that make me question whether I was in the right relationship. Not that I'd break up with my girlfriend, she'd break up with her boyfriend and we'd be together kind of thing. What we shared at the festival was entirely non-sexual, but it did put things into perspective. We spoke about everything, which was a breath of fresh air compared to the mundane conversations I find myself having with my girlfriend each day now. I am hoping this is only the result of the long distance finally taking it's toll, but I'm confused as to what to do with this. I feel like my responses to my girlfriend and becoming less and less with each passing day and she is an amazing girl. I also know that long distance is frustrating for her as well. I guess I was hoping other people would weigh in with their thoughts as to whether I should see this long distance through till my girlfriend moves back in September and hope that everything is back to normal or not.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2015): I can definitely understand. In fact, I feel that my girlfriend shares your sentiments... kind of. I offer the silly questions and pointless remarks, and she updates me. My point is: it's normal... to start.
You should one hour each day to just talking to her. Think of things to talk about. Your and your girlfriend complement -- not mirror -- each other. Talk about a memory, plan for the future (next date), or start from ground zero and find something you have in common to talk about.
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