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Should I try to win him back?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 March 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2015)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I dated a guy for a month and it was going so well at the beginning and we were both really into each other, but then he started to get too serious too fast after 2 weeks he told me he loved me and wants marriage and kids asking those kinds of questions.

The thing is it takes me a while to talk serious like that because ive been hurt in the past and very cautious now. It then came out that he takes depression pills (prozak) for a long period of time which scared me a lot and also he has a job that is not what I like, he's a sales person and not much stability, he lives with his parents.

I really want a high tech guy but I do care for him, but these concerns were bothering me, also our opinions are very different like he doesn't like vegans and stuff like that really upset me, he is also religious and has some strange opinions and beliefs that I do not agree with, and he acts a bit crazy like super-hyper sometimes.

He is now saying that he is too hurt from me being not enthusiastic enough and cold whenever he calls me, and that I patronised him about his job and he has said it's over because he's too hurt although he's attached to me. I sent him texts saying that I really do care for him but that i need more time but he's not replied now.

Do I pursue with this or just let it go?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (2 April 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntLet it go. You two are not a match.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (2 April 2015):

Honeypie agony auntJezzz, please let it GO.

IT is a RED FLAG when someone talks "forever" after barely 2 weeks. YOUR instincts were right, and please trust them.

Then you mention SEVERAL thing about him you don't really like.. So you ALREADY know that he is NOT a good match.

And then you have the whole DRAMA-LLAMA show with him claiming to be OH SO HURT, yet still keeping contact. Sorry, that just sounds creepy and manipulative to me.

CUT the contact, look for a guy who is a BETTER fit.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (31 March 2015):

Ciar agony auntI second that about the too much effort at this early stage.

Taking him back, or rather trying to earn your way back into his good graces, puts you at a disadvantage because you'll spend the rest of your time together on probation, bending over backward trying to make it up to him. Your needs will be ignored because you'll both be too focused on his.

Second, MOST people prefer to 'take it slow' and invest accordingly so don't paint yourself as different for doing the same thing. Besides, we've all been hurt and declaring yourself damaged goods just makes it easier for others to dismiss valid points as irrational reactions to past hurts.

He came on too strong too soon. You were wise to put some distance between you. He took it badly. Consider this a bullet dodged.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (31 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntlet it go....

any relationship that takes this much effort this early on is not going to work out well.

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A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago + , writes (31 March 2015):

You both do not seem very compatible for each other so I would advise to let this one go and just accept that it did not work out.

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A female reader, RubyBirtle United Kingdom + , writes (31 March 2015):

No, let this one go.... there seems to be little point in pursuing it.

a) He isn't want you want - he doesn't have the independence or job stability that you want. You have separate views. None of these issues will change or disappear quickly (and some will never change). Don't wait around expecting him to change into something he's not

b) You want different things out of a relationship. He wants to move fast and talk about marriage and babies and you want to take things slowly. Even though "your pace" might be a more sensible pace for a new relationship, it's not suiting him. He needs you to be as enthusiastic as him and you're not.

c) He's said it's over because he's realised you are not on the same page and he's hurting but he needs time and space to mentally move on from you. Let him do that. Don't string him along waiting for him to be more comfortable with your pace.

d)From my own experience, a guy who wants to talk about marriage and babies within two weeks of meeting is usually very insecure and, coupled with a previous history of depression, is usually bad news as a partner.

I think you should walk away from this one.

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