A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 and never had a boyfriend before. Sometimes I get really sad and depressed, especially when I see women on social media with their bfs and dating while I am always alone and single.I don't really receive a lot of male attention/interest and I have never been asked out on a date/dated before. I rarely get flirted with/hit on but I never frequent bars or clubs. Despite this, I get random compliments on being pretty from strangers-my dermatologist, hair-dresser, uber driver, etc. And people tell me I have a nice body (I have an hourglass figure) and that I would look good in practically anything. But I dress very modestly and I don't like to show off my body much.Sometimes I feel so desperate to get a boyfriend that I want to try online dating, since i'm not receiving interest from men offline. However, at the same time, I feel like I am not ready to do online dating because I only wish to do it out of despair of being lonely and jealous of other women who are already dating. Sometimes I think I am only 22, and I can still find someone down the road but at the same time I also think about what if I don't find someone as I age? Should I try online dating to get dating experience or is it better for me to continue waiting to find the right guy?
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depressed, flirt, jealous, never had a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 January 2018):
 You mention you have never been asked on a date, but have you ever asked anyone on a date? It does work both ways you know, it doesn't need to be the man showing interest. If you are not going to show interest to a man then maybe you are not very approachable. Try working on being more open and approach guys you like the look off. Just becayse men don't show you much attention or interest doesn't mean that they don't like what they see.
It is nice that you get random compliments, it is good for your ego. However remember you need to love yourself so appreciate how you look and what you have to offer a man. It is okay to dress modestly. You don't need to parade around half naked to get male attention.
It is okay to try online dating, but I still think you should try being more sociable first. If you see a man you like TALK to him, approach him and make conversation, show interest. Remember men like to think they are wanted as well. Stop waiting around for a man to come to you. If you want something then go and get it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 January 2018):
 Why leave it up to the men to chase after you?
ARE you even approachable when out?
You CAN be the one to initiate contact. And if you are SUBTLE enough you CAN make him "think" that HE actually made that choice.
You can't sit on your hand and WAIT for people to notice you, engage you in conversation, wanting to get to know you.
I would instead of dating sites, try meet up groups, get out there and MEET more people, maybe widen your social circle. Improve on your social skills.
And then consider would YOU want to spend time with YOU?
What are your strong points?
What do YOU bring to the table?
What are your standards, values, hopes an dreams?
What makes YOU tick? What makes you happy?
Find things in life that you ENJOY. That joy will follow you around. It will also attract people - but again you CAN NOT expect for a guy to see you and go OH THERE IS MY FUTURE WIFE!! Especially if you really aren't all that approachable.
Practice being better at talking to random strangers. Nothing deep or long conversations but being able to approach others. Some times something as simple as a quick smile can make someone want to talk to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2018): Take note of the nice guys around you that don't always draw a bunch of chicks to them as well. There are a lot of good guys in this world that get over looked simply because they don't hit on females
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2018): PS. What makes you think you can only find the right guy for you offline? Maybe he's online waiting for you...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2018): Wow, I didnt realize people still thought online dating was "desperate". It's 2018. Everything is done online these days. It's the normal way to date, in this day and age. It offers a far better option of potential partners, also you get a better idea of what they want/qualities they hold from reading their presentation. Given, of course, that they are honest, but people can lie offline also, so don't think you're any "safer" by dating strictly offline. In my experience, its a lot better to go online. You still DATE offline. You just make the first initial contact online. It's better because: you know they are single and available. You can weed out people with deal breakers: such as if you want marriage, you can find someone who also wants marriage down the line, if you don't want someone who smokes, you can easily avoid it by checking/un-checking a box. I met both my ex and my current boyfriend through online dating sites. I've never dates so much in my life before I tried online dating. You get asked out frequently, accept the offers you like either right away or after longer communication. Then you meet and either you see each other again, or you don't, and there's no hard feelings as neither will have had the time to build up feelings, so neither gets hurt. It simplifies things a whole lot, if you ask me. My advice is to not enter lengthy communications online. Just send brief messages, and then meet up as soon as possible for a 30 minute coffee break. Nothing more. Quick and simple. You need to meet in real life in order to see if the connection/chemistry is right, so don't delay meeting. And then just follow normal dating protocol. You still need to get to know them through "normal" dating. It's just the initial place of contact that is different, everything else is just the same as if you met at the local super market. Really. There's no difference. And it's not desperate. It's smart and efficient dating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@WiseOwlE you say visibility helps but the problem is that when I go out, I never get hit on or flirted with. It makes me believe that I may never find someone even if I do go out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2018): Visibility helps. You have to be seen.
Take public transportation sometimes. Stroll and window-shop at the mall with your girlfriends. Accept invitations to parties that you know will have a lot of people your age. Save your money and join a travel and adventure club. Go on nature tours and hiking with young people. Travel and see exciting places. Do volunteer work for local charities. Take cooking classes, or drama classes for fun.
How on earth did people meet people before the internet? I met the first love of my life strolling on the a beach. The one I'm with now, I was just buying plants for my garden at a home improvement and supply depot.
The internet gives you access to a lot of profiles; but the subscribers are superficial, weird, and too picky for their own good. They all pretend to be world-traveled and own fancy motorcycles; but they're mostly trolls and pretentious rejects. All thrown together in a group of phony and exaggerated profiles. You'd have to weed through them just as you would in real-life. You aren't guaranteed anything.
Unless you're just looking for hookups; I think online dating is a lot of hype. If it was all that great, how come so many frustrated and confused people come to DC to complain about the flakes and players they've met online?
If you pay for subscriptions to those well-known sites you see in the commercials; they screen people a little better. They're the same old creepy snobs and narcissists you'd meet if you got a free-subscription.
They'll promise you a match among the creme of the crop, but really?!!
They even do success ratios on probable match-ups according to percentiles calculated on how you answered survey questions.
Honestly! You probably wouldn't look twice at more than half of their suggested matches. Then there's the waiting game for hits. My poor single-lady friends have crushed self-esteems; because they may not get 20 or more likes, winks, or pokes from dudes in a day. If they do, the guys aren't looking for anything serious. Most never get asked out; unless they give out their phone number and address information!!!
If they pay-for sites had the success rates they brag about; everyone would be matched-up. You'd save your money for dating site subscriptions and nothing else.
You can use a site for backup, but try the old-fashioned way where you see him up-close, get to talk, and you can practice your interactive and communication skills. While developing your personality, building character, and actually meeting guys in the flesh. Not geeks hiding behind the screens of their digital devices. Testing your desperation and gullibility; while checking out six or seven other women at the same time.
Stop thinking in terms of how unsuccessful you are; and start doing things to make yourself visible to the world. Do some activities that show you have interests, gain some experience, and socialize with people to bring-out the best in your personality. You're at the age you should be exploring and learning how to do cool stuff.
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