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Should I trust him or is he playing games?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 March 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 10 March 2018)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Dear cupid ,

I met my fiance abroad while i was on vacation in dubai , he was depolyed there we started dating and after monthes he proposed and i said yes , we used to see eachother evry month because it was easy for me to travel there , when we got engaged he started planning for him to move to my country and get married and live there i was super excited and couldnt wait for my dream to come try he made me feel like that is whats really gonna happen , then a month later he said i couldnt find a job in ur country and im losing my position here in dubai so im going to deploy to another country (which i cannot access that country) and because of his job he can decide how long he wants to deploy for so he chose 1 year and a half because he said in the year ill be able to save more money so we can have the house of our dream , but the problem is i can only see him once every six months but he promised to talk to his boss so he can see me every 2 months , when he deployed to that other country he said that his every 2 months leave is declined and can obly see me every 6 , then 6 months into his deployment , we planned that we will meet on our next leave (2nd leave ) in the states and buy a house so he can end his deployment short snd we can get married but now that we are aproaching teh 2nd leave he drops a bomb on me saying that marriage has to be postponed because he has to take care of his sick sister financially and he cannot support both us and he said that being deployed gives him more money so he might even extend his deployment, i was devastated i felt like none of what he promised me came true , and he kept saying that life is throwing curveballs at us , but i feel like he cannot keep giving me promises and not going through with them, what do u think i should do ? Am i over reacting ? Should i just support him and stay by his side ? Or is he playing games with me ?

View related questions: engaged, fiance, money

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A female reader, louiselistens United Kingdom +, writes (10 March 2018):

louiselistens agony auntHi anonymous writer,

Every time you and your fiance seem to be getting close to achieving something meaningful, out of the blue he suddenly takes a U-turn leaving you not knowing where you stand. Your life is kept on hold, waiting for him, whilst his career is moving forward. This is very unfair to you and must leave you wondering if you are investing your time and energy in this man for nothing.

You need to have an honest conversation with this man and let him know how you feel. How he reacts could tell you everything you need to know about his level of commitment to you. You cannot spend the next so many years living in limbo when you don't know if there will be any pay off, you deserve to pursue the important things in your life too.

Best wishes


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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (10 March 2018):

I think he is more dedicated to his job and may have gotten engaged on a whim; or without establishing what his work-assignments and financial-situation would look like as his contract ran out.

It also seems that he is supporting his sister in the interim. I agree, there are an awful lot of unforeseen events cropping-up. I'm inclined to believe he knew beforehand and just didn't want you to get-away.

Unexpected things do occur, but you met the man overseas while working on a job under contract. These kind of contracts are subject to frequent changes and amendments. Jobs like that are usually quite lucrative; and most are related to the oil industry. You could end-up anywhere in the Middle East, and the pay can be pretty good. I don't think your fiance is going to by-pass work-opportunities or extensions that arise, due to the potential income he could earn.

You are engaged. You agreed, so your options are to wait, or to give-up.

Why would you assume he's playing games with you? Maybe you rushed into accepting his marriage proposal without considering the type of job he has. If it's too much, then break the engagement, and return the ring.

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