A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, thanks for looking :) So I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and we live together. We rarely drink together, he drinks roughly about 3 times a week though it's usually in the house - he usually only goes to the pub/bar on his lunch break from work once a week - so usually this sorta thing doesn't happen.Well I remember over the years that we've had some awful fights when he's been drunk.. so I don't really like him going out a lot. Well he mentioned he would be going to the snooker hall during the day (leaving at 11am so he would be back quite early) and I agreed to make his dinner for when he got home. Well I prepared him a lovely meal but didn't bother to put it in the oven as I knew this would happen - that he'd come home late. Well he came home at 9.30 PM absolutely mortal drunk and struggling to stand. He demanded to know where his food was, and when I told him he decided he would cook it and ate the whole thing to himself - it was meant to be a 'romantic' 3 course meal! I stayed out of his way (which he didn't like) as I know what he's like when he's drunk- in fact he reminds me of his alcoholic father when he's drunk. He then rang his friends to see if anyone had a spare sleeping bag , though I think he just wanted my attention. He also peed all over our toilet seat, and told me to **** off and get to bed.This is a rarity and I know he will feel bad for it in the morning, but I'm so upset. Is it disrespectful to come home much later without 'checking in' when he knows I'm cooking his dinner? He also promised me he wouldn't get mortal drunk as we were going to be having a nice meal together- which obviously didn't happen. I'm now worried whether I can trust him when he's like this, as he seems like a different person. Is it reasonable to say that he shouldn't go to his Christmas party now, or is that controlling? I'm also worried about his new friendship group - he said some mean things about me behind my back and so I don't think his new friends like me (though I've never actually met them!)Anyway I'm sorry this turned out to be so long, but thank you so much for making the effort to read it lol! :)
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 October 2016):
 You knew he was going out to drink with friends and you decided to make a three course romantic meal? It sounds to me like you knew he would be drunk and therefore wanted to make him feel even worse. It sounds like it was intentional just to get an even bigger apology out off him.
It is clear to see he has an issue with alcohol. He needs to put that under control not you. He needs to get help and realize he needs to stop drinking so much. You telling him he cannot go to his Christmas party is controlling and also going to make him resent you, he will feel smothered. You need to talk to him when he is sober and tell him you think he has a problem with drink and that you cannot go on like this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2016): You said you'd cook dinner for him for when he came back so rightly so he was just expecting a single meal, i'm not sure why you tried to make it romantic when you knew he would be pissed and late.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 October 2016):
 He has a drink problem. Maybe not a big one, but certainly one he needs to get in hand. There are happy drunks and mean ones, and he seems like he is falling in the latter bracket. You need to have an adult conversation with him about it if you can.
My final suggestion would be to arrange a video cam discretely if you suspect he is going to come home plastered again. A confrontation with a vid of ' his abhorrent behaviour might just be enough to change his behaviour in future. You are not there to be his doormat.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (9 October 2016):
 Why did you make him a romantic meal when you knew in advance he would get drunk and not be romantic in any way, shape or form? You KNEW this yet you made this meal? Are you trying to push this relationship to some sort of make-or-break situation? Your boyfriend does have an alcohol problem. Regardless of how many or how few times this happens, if he does not acknowledge that he has a problem with alcohol, then you might as well bang your head against the nearest brick wall.Do you want to spend the next 6 years of your life like this? If you want to stay with him, is there anywhere he can stay when he has been drinking, rather than coming home? That way at least you don't have to put up with it.To be honest, if I were in your shoes, I would be sitting him down (when sober of course) and having a very serious conversation with him.
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