A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Situation: My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for over a year and since about 2 months ago she has mentioned how she has made a new guy friend and they have on a number of occasions since been out for drinks, dancing, and dinner (but always with other people to my knowledge). I've always given my girlfriend a lot of latitude and I trust her very much...but last week I saw a comment from one of her friends in an email saying how much chemistry there was between the two of them at a particular event. I'm fine with her having guy friends (even when I know they might be attracted to her) but I feel uncomfortable at the thought of it being reciprocal (at least that's how it seems from that email). So should I tell her to stop seeing this guy or play it by ear and see what happens? She almost always invites me to come out with her when she meets him (or at least tells me she will meet with him) but I feel I can never be friends with this person because I know he likes her-is this a natural feeling...and now I suspect she is attracted to him too. Time for a talk? Is this acceptable in a relationship? Thanks for your consideration Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): This "we just friends" thing iv'e heard too many times before. If you feeling uncomfortable,then tell her.Go with that feeling,its usually right.If something just doesnt feel right about them,then dont deny that feeling,come out with it.That e-mail has also given you reason to be suspicious.In my opinion,a woman who is attached,has no business being such good friends with another man she just recently met.Would she feel comfortable if you went out drinking and dancing and dining with another woman?Nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand my friend.Let her know what your standpoint is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): 1. Meet this dude2. Establish if there is any flirting going on between them3. Move to claim your lady (touch her frequently, make deliberate eye contact with him while touching your lady to tell him, non verbally, that this prize is taken)4. Ask her in private, gently, if she has feelings for this guy. Tell her you care about her and are willing to step up and show her more attention if she feels that's what she needs. 5. Adjust the relationship to be more spontaneous. She may be seeking his attention because it feels "new and different".Your reaction to what is going on is perfectly healthy male behavior. You sense a threat to your territory, and are sane enough to talk with your girl about the issue. Cookies for you, I say. A little possessiveness is healthy in a relationship and indicates that you care about her and want no funny business. Follow the steps above as soon as possible to crack the case. Be gentle when you ask her if she has feelings for him. Do not accuse or you will unwind trust and make this whole problem more of a mess. Good luck to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, rachel2 +, writes (8 October 2010):
no, its not acceptable.
stop trying to be nice. you are not doing the relationship a favor by tolerating this-- the reason you feel that way is because its not acceptable in a relationship to spend time alone with opposite sex, except if the other person is a relative or something like that...
i know from experience you could lose her if you dont take a strong stand for the relationship and put some boundaries around it..
...............................
A
male
reader, Cccc  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Go with them next time even though it might be hard but be really nice to the guy this way hell see that you dont see him as a threat and your girlfriend will pick up on this and then she wont have the whole "I want to do this because Im not really allowed" You know people want what they cant have...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): why dont u go out with her when she sees her guy friends and try to be friends with them too!!
atleast they will know that she has somebody whos always around her but nt just letting her go out alone!!
be more loving and kiss her from time to time when all of u are out
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Would she tolerate it from u? To be honest she doesnt sound like she cares about u,just herself.
...............................
|
