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Should I tell my ex what happened?

Tagged as: Teenage, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 July 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 2 August 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

We had been together for two years and they have been great but then recently we had started to argue over petty little stuff and his parents were basically forcing it on me to forgive him and that ended up in me just building anger up. We were supposed to go on holiday together with his parents and I said to him and his parents that this holiday will make it or break it and it broke it I managed to get a lift home and I then broke up with him. Then I had to go out for a friends birthday meal where I got a text from another friend insisting he came over because he's got nothing to do I told him I was out and that I was meeting the girls after and I got home to find that he was at mine because he had rang my friend about it. So I made my friend(girl) stay with me and said we will take the dogs out but when we did we got separated I tried to call her but he basically said if I did that he'd take my phone. After a little while he started to tell me that he want us to sleep together and when I said no he said that I had led him on and then he kissed me and was trying to do other things he then told me that his motorbike had ran out of fuel so I said he can stay the night in the spare room and he started acting like a child because I didn't want him in my bed. Now a few weeks down the line I'm meeting my ex to see if there is anything we can do to try again but I feel horrible should I tell him?

View related questions: broke up, my ex, on holiday, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

So my ex came round and we started to talk to see if we can get back on track and before we started to talk I decided to tell him about the other lad I could see the look on his face that he wanted to cry but he was actually really calm and he gave me a cuddle and said that he's more annoyed that this lad tried it on with me. My ex and I are currently talking things through and giving it a few more months to see but have spoken and said if during them few months of it doesn't work than we know that's what we need to do and I would like to say a thank you to everyone for the advice it helped a lot.

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A male reader, DarrellG United Kingdom +, writes (31 July 2016):

DarrellG agony auntOkies. Tell him because you will just end up feeling bad about it and it will eat you up and you havent really done anything horribly out of line. This guy is a creep btw, get rid of him out of your life and get as far away from him as you can. Ok, you only kissed but he was still trying to force you to do stuff you didnt want too and thats not on. Good luck :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

We didn't do anything else other than kiss but I don't know whether to tell my ex what happened

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (31 July 2016):

Denizen agony auntTell him what? Sorry but I don't understand. Do you mean tell him you feel horrible? If so why not? There is just one male involved isn't there? It has come out like a stream of consciousness. I can't get a handle on what you are worried about. Certainly do not be pressured into sex. Where you in your parents' home? Where were they while he was trying it on?

Write in again and explain everything - to quote the Jeremy Irons - 'As if you were talking to a small child or a Labrador dog'.

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A male reader, DarrellG United Kingdom +, writes (31 July 2016):

DarrellG agony auntBefore you tell your ex anything I think you should tell an adult you trust because I, for one, find this post disturbing. Why?

Well you say:

"we did we got separated I tried to call her but he basically said if I did that he'd take my phone."

Very forceful and bang out of line. You carry on:

"when I said no he said that I had led him on and then he kissed me and was trying to do other things he then told me that his motorbike had ran out of fuel so I said he can stay the night in the spare room and he started acting like a child because I didn't want him in my bed."

You said no and no means no. I find it hard reading between the lines whether you actually ended up doing anything while he was staying in your spare room but if you did I think that should be viewed very seriously indeed because he forced you against your will. I really hope I am wrong and nothing like that happened but it doesnt look good reading this.

Even if nothing happened (which I hope it didnt), you should never see this guy again and keep him well away from you and id still advise you to talk to an adult you can trust so they can decide what is best to do next. Frankly, I think your ex is the least of your worries right now - tell him if you want but I would be concerned if he would be able to see what has happened here and blame the right person (this guy) so I would talk to an adult about it first and deal with the issue with your ex after that.

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