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Should I tell my cousin I love her?

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 December 2010) 14 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2011)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am 32 years old, and i belive i am in love with my cousin, she is 28 years old (she is my frist cousin) for the last year all i do is think about her. what should i do tell her or not.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

no she is not married and is borken up with the kids dad. i love her kids and would do anything for them.

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A male reader, rolfen Lebanon +, writes (27 December 2010):

rolfen agony auntThis can happen when you and your cousin haven't seen yourself much during childhood. Although you are blood family not seeing each other much can make you feel like this is any other person. But you do get a bit freaky when you say you want children and all that... Relax, are you OK?

If your cousin is a nice person you may be able to discuss these things. It really depends on the situation. If she is a close cousin and all and she is seeing someone or other big problems, it might not work, so you may be better off not telling her or telling her in a very subtle way. It might just be awkward to blurt it out then you will have it on your mind. But it's not so bad anyway.

It really depends or her and you. Do not care about the parents, really. Do not bother about them. I know it can be intimidating to think about what will they say, how will they react... but do not worry about it, really, you will see later that it does not matter.

I am assuming you are an OK person, but saying that you've been thinking about her so much and that you have such feelings makes me worry if you're really ok and stable and feeling well and good about yourself. So if not, relax, take it easy. Take things slowly and try to be normal, even if it is boring.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010):

Why did you ask for advice when you completely ignore it? It doesn't sound like you've taken any thing from what we have said. Go ahead and act on your selfish desires but it will blow up in your face.

You didn't answer our question. Is she married? You say she has kids, how would they feel?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i see her every day, i love beening with her we have a great time together, when i go home all i do is think of her and how a life together would be. she calls me at work all the time to see how i am doing and i do the same to her i would love to make a life with her and her kids.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010):

I wouldn't do it. She's family. She's like an extension to your family. So that would make her like a little sister. You want to protect her and you want her to be happy. So, maybe those feelings are more like what an older brother feels for his siblings. That's just my opinion.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010):

She's your first cousin so, no. It's really not a good idea because at the end of the day she's a blood relative.

If you did tell her it is VERY unlikely she would feel the same and even if she did, then what? I'm not sure what the law is over there but in most countries it is illegal.

Is it really worth all the hassel? You need to think about the reality not the fantasy. Sometimes we don't always get what we want and that can be for a good reason.

It wouldn't work and would tear your family apart. Your cousin might not even talk to you again if you let your feelings for her be known. I'm afraid you are going to have to let this one go because it isn't right.

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A female reader, largentsgirl89 United States +, writes (14 December 2010):

largentsgirl89 agony auntYou know you can't help who you love. This type of situation happens often so don't feel bad. What if she doesn't feel the same way about you? Can you handle that?

How are you two going to be together? Will your families be supportive or completely disown you and depending on which state you live in marrying your first cousin is illegal.

Are you sure you are in love with her?

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A male reader, Lucky luke South Africa +, writes (14 December 2010):

Lucky luke agony auntNot the best idea bud, like you said first cousin...so NO

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (14 December 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntDon't tell her, at least not before the family holiday get-togethers, and then ONLY if you live in West Virginia.

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A male reader, ChaseTerrier United States +, writes (14 December 2010):

You may want to check out the web-site http://www.cousincouples.com/ which is a web-site for those romantically involved with their cousin.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010):

no way. You are her cousin & cousins are not supposed love each other in that way that inbred. don't. you probably just think u do because she's smokin hot thats all. trust me dude its not love at all.

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (14 December 2010):

TimmD agony auntFirst, let me ask you this: What do you expect from her? What if she tells you the same way? Do you want a full, normal relationship with her as boyfriend and girlfriend? Marriage? Children? How would the rest of the family react? Friends?

Next, what if she doesn't feel the same way? Will this ruin your relationship with her? Will this put her in a difficult position?

I'm not going to jump down your throat and say "EWWWW, that's your cousin you sicko!" or anything like that. I understand these things happen. But look at this logically. These things don't work. Sometimes it's just best to put your feelings aside.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010):

are you single? Is she single?

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A male reader, steph007 Hungary +, writes (14 December 2010):

You may tell her how you feel, but you have to be prepared for a very negative answer.

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