A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I met a guy online and instantly fell for him. We live cross country so the chances of us meeting were pretty slim I guess. Still, he told me how much he liked me and wished he lived closer so I could be his girlfriend. At one point, he even said that he would come visit me and even talked about what kids we would have. We would Skype each other and video chat almost every day for six months. As we grew closer, we started to get more sexual and he would send me naked pics and we would get naked on cam together, which I admit was fun. He told me he didn't have any social media accounts but I did a little investigating and found out that he's been in an almost 10 year relationship with his girlfriend and is living with her. Then it all made sense, talking late at night (probably when she was asleep), never calling me on the phone etc I was so hurt and furious at him but then I started thinking about this poor girl who has no idea that he's cheating on her right under her nose. If we lived in the same town, I have no doubt that he would hook up with me and not tell me about his girlfriend. Also, I think he is doing this with other women and if I was his girlfriend, I sure as hell would want to know if my boyfriend was messing around. I know it will be very awkward to just send her a message on FB or something but if it was me, I'd want to know if I was dating a lying scumbag. So should I tell her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2017): The choice is yours.
Do what you feel is right.
Nobody here can give you the answer.
I do not believe there is a right or wrong answer here.
All I will say is so many guys get away with this shitty behaviour and keep doing it because their victims stay quiet. And their other victims, their wives or girlfriends stay oblivious. Ignorance is not bliss. It is the truth that sets you free.
Think about that.
A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (8 August 2017):
Short Answer: NO
Long Answer: It's not your duty nor job doing that.
His GF is going to find out one day, you don't need to do anything.
You are going to be causing him and her GF lots of problems out of the blue. Just let her find out by herself please.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 August 2017):
 I would not do it.
I think you'd be acting out of a desire to fuck up his life for revenge, more than out of sincere compassion and female solidariety. I do not criticize you for that. It's normal that you feel furious and humiliated and that you want to lash out.
But, it would not work.
He's got nudes of you. He'll tell her that it is all your fault, that you are a crazy bunnyboiling nympho vixen pestering him all the time , threatening and blackmailing him to have him fulfill your fantasies - and she would believe him because after 10 years she 's WANT to believe him and would believe even more far fetched stuff.
And he would promptly pass to plaster your nudes all over the web, with salacious captions under.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2017): You don't have to tell her. But you can if you want to. Make sure to send her proof also, such as pictures you received from him and messages. Then what she does with it is up to her. You don't have any obligations to tell her, though. It's something you can choose to do or not do. It will be uncomfortable for her to find out, but at the same time you're not the one doing the cheating. And if it was me, I'd like to know that my boyfriend was lying and cheating on me. Even if it comes as a schock. Also, I am fairly confident, you are not the only woman he's been chatting up late at night. Sorry you had to go through that and meet such a scumbag. The internet is, sadly, full of fakes. Always meet someone in person and stay with them in person for a longer period of time, before you make your decision about taking the relationship further, that's my piece of advice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 August 2017):
 Honestly? The guy has nudes of you. He might also have recordings from the cam sessions. Which put you in a rather precarious situation. He can upload those to anywhere. So if I were you I'd see if I could get him to delete those FIRST. YOU don't REALLY know the guy. AT all. You might think you do but you don't.
Secondly, OP you didn't fall in love. You were infatuated with a fictional character.The guy you met online was a fictional character HE made up to entice women online and you fell for it.
In the future, don't waste time on guys who you probably will never meet. Not if you are looking for a partner.
Now I'm not saying this to make you feel bad or think you did something wrong (other than trusting a person you don't really know) but those are the facts. I know you got caught up in the whole fantasy of being with someone, talking kids, and visiting - but that might just be part of his ruse. It makes women like you TRUST him.
He might even play this game with other women online to GET THEM to send him nudes and make him little videos that he uploads to goodness knows where. He wouldn't be the first guy to do so. This is why YOU need to be a little more careful with men online. Some (like this guy) are FULL of shit and they are NOT looking out for you. They know how to "groom" a girl to get what they want.
For the most part, I'd say to people who want to TELL the partner of a cheating person to think CAREFULLY about their OWN motivations before doing or not doing it. After all, when you tell you are NOT rescuing someone, you are perhaps shattering their whole life.
So for a minute think about it, do you want to tell because you feel she should know what kind of creep her BF is? OR because you want revenge on him?
How much "evidence" do you have? Messages, pictures etc?
You have established that he is not the good guy you thought he was. And I think you need to make "as sure" as you can that he doesn't have any nudes or delete the ones he has. BEFORE doing anything else.
And learn from this. There is nothing WRONG in sharing nudes and naughty pictures/videos but DO it with people you actually KNOW and whom you are IN a relationship with, whom you spend time IN person with. NOT with men ONLINE. IT is not safe.
Personally, I'd be more concerned about the nudes than his GF.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2017): Ok so this is a t9ugh situation, my one friend was in a similar position. She was dating a guy who lived in a different province to her and they would fly back and forth to see each other. He also didn't have social media accounts. Which in my personal experience is a huge warning bell. Anyway they became so close and even started looking for engagement rings. Anyway my friend found out that he was dating her and 3 other women at the same time and one of them was already married. She met him on a dating site and he seemed so genuine. But if I could give you advice, I would say although it won't be nice for the other lady to find out, rather tell her now and stop her from feeling even more pain in the future.my friend was about to pack her life up and move for this guy who was a cheater. Hope this helps x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2017): Well just ask yourself if you would want to know but you would not want t a guy like that anyway. You'll find someone else and plus if you told her he would deny it. So, I would ghost him or add him on Facebook and like the photo but if anything I wouldn't say anything just leave it alone.
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