A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Im after some good honest opinions as im going out of my mind with frustration. I was seeing this guy for 9 months but he treats me like crap. No matter what he does though i still wanna be with him. Im in love with him. He always blows hot and cold with me, bombaring me with texts one minute and then ignoring me the nextg. Ive had enough. 2 months ago he went abroad for 5 weeks with his job. He promised me that when he returned he would come and see me. I was so faithful when he went away, and so excited for his return. Literally counted down the days. Only, he didnt even bother contact me for 5 days after he returned home. And when he did it was very brief, blunt text nessages. I got drunk one nite and accidentally drunk dialled and text him about 5 times which he completely ignored. I apologised the next day and he said it was fine. Then 3 days later I send a simple text to which he again ignored. But now Ive compltely had enough I just want him out of my life. The thing is, Im tempted to text him and just let rip at how hes treated me. I have a text written out in my mind of what I'll say. But theres a part of me saying dont do it, just delete his number and ignore all contact from him. But I feel if I send a text telling him what an idiot he is I will feel as if I will have closure. But will I look even worse sending him a nasty text, then I already do now? Whats the best thing to do here?Please all answers appreciated before I might do something I will regret?!
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (21 September 2011):
Listen, I know this will hurt but this guy just isn't in to you.You want him to love you, and every time he treats you bad, you feel compelled to want him more.You actually have a very good quality that works well in a relationship BUT ONLY with a guy who wants to be with you.Put this guy in your past, and wait to find someone that wants you to be his number one person in his life. When you find this guy, whenever you do have conflicts and problems, you'll both want to do whatever you can to make things work.But there is no future with this guy. Stop him hurting you now. Move on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 September 2011):
 ok you love a man that treats you like crap.
you say you love this man... give me a list of WHY you love this man AS HE IS NOW not as he was not as you want him to be.... but CURRENTLY why do you love him?
if you need closure (something I get truly)
write letters you don't send
see a therapist
start a journal
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A
female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (21 September 2011):
I'm in a similar situation. I sent the text and he didn't even reply - that hurt so much don't do it just delete his number and forget him
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (21 September 2011):
 NO TEXT.You need to delete everything that moves from him. All emails, phone numbers, facebook friends etc. Just walk away with no comment or any contact whatsoever. Just vanish from him. No need to acknowledge him at all. This is the best way.
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (21 September 2011):
 I know how it feels to want the closure thing, but don't rant.I would do this"hiI have accepted things haven't worked out for us, I deserve better than the way you treat me - but I'm ok with what happened between us.Name"Nothing else, chances are he will text back - ignore him delete his texts, or reply - I dont want anymore contact with you. Then every message or call ignore, ignore, ignore - worked with a fling I had, who did something similar who didn't contact me for ages - I was just very cold with him when he responded and poof he's gone now! And I'm in a relationship with an adorable man You dont need this kind of man in your life.Obviously this is just my opinion, but may give some food for thoughtGood luck lady!
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A
female
reader, Blod +, writes (21 September 2011):
 I think you should cut all contact with him. Get closure by deleting his number and having done with him. The sooner you get him out of your life, the better. If you text him or try to contact him in some way, it'll just play on your mind. And what if he responds? It would be much more difficult to get closure and move on from him then. Delete his number and start moving on. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 September 2011):
 I know THE thing to use these days is texting BUT I can't think of a worse way to try to communicate a complex issue like this is. My suggestion is to try the old fashion write a long letter approach that trys to cover all the possible "come-backs and "but what if I..." scenerios. In this way you can take your time through the editing and re-editing process to address ALL the elements of the complicated relationship. And,I'd like to stress; just because he's hurt you so deeply in the past don't make this an oportunity to hurt him back as much as you can. It will only make things much worse. You need to "rise above it and use pure logic and non-emotional points that have gret relevance. Sorry if I went on and on but you do not want to further aggrivate this mental midget by texting him. The smart thing to do is be brief but serious and tell it like it is. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (21 September 2011):
I know THE thing to use these days is texting BUT I can't think of a worse way to try to communicate a complex issue like this is. My suggestion is to try the old fashion write a long letter approach that trys to cover all the possible "come-backs and "but what if I..." scenerios. In this way you can take your time through the editing and re-editing process to address ALL the elements of the complicated relationship.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (21 September 2011):
 DON'T SEND THE TEXT.
You don't need his closure. You simply need to decide for yourself it is over and - POOF! Closure. :-) Imagine if he suddenly died (knock on wood, we don't want that) and you couldn't confront him. Would life be over without his 'closure' or acknowledgement of the end of your relationship? No, of course not. You’d still be able to move on.
Rather than venting (which is what you want to do - to try and recover some self-respect - understandable but powerless in it's effect), your SILENCE will be FAR more powerful. He is aware of how you feel for him... He knows that historically you have been there; waiting, hot and eager, whenever he wants you to be and he doesn't have to work for it.
And when you do not respond... he will be wondering what YOU are thinking for a change.
Won't that be better? ;-)
While you are fighting the temptation, stop telling yourself you are in love with this guy. You're not. It's just a strong crush and your heart will soon follow your head in it's 'process of moving on' if you let it.
Go do things that make you feel good... make up for lost time. You owe it to yourself.
Good luck :-)
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