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Should I tell her he cheated on both of us?

Tagged as: Cheating, Crushes, Dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 January 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 5 January 2017)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi, I had a difficult abusive relationship before hand. I met someone from out the country and he made me trust again and go out again. I was content with his friendship but he pursued it to something more. Time for him to leave. He wanted me to go even said if I didn't want you to come I wouldn't look up the flights. Booked the flight and all set to go. So all of the sudden a girl from my hometown is visiting him and states they are in a relationship. Should tell I her? As I said I was in an abusive relationship before and everyone knew he was cheating with a family member except me and they didnt tell me. I feel compelled to tell this girl since she went all the way out there to see him. He is not what he presented himself as. I know the truth will always find a way to get out. But if good men stand by and do nothing...I can't live with with knowledge. Should I tell her?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2017):

Dear anonymous, I don't when he found the time to be with her when he was with me so much but as friend said players find the time. It explains when he would disappear on end or say he was out with the lads. We even went on vacation together to another big city in the states. He even got this strange call at one point when we were on vacation. I never seen him so startled when he stepped away to take it. He knew I was coming. He wanted me to come in March but I ended up choosing Feb. I wanted January but he needed certain days from work in January for something else I asked but he never told me what. I even asked if me visiting was what he really wanted in October before he left. That is when he told me that if he didn't want me to come he wouldn't look up airfare. She is not from there she lives my city in the U.S where I met him. She wasn't out there the whole time she is visiting him currently. Many little things add up to he dated us both. Looking back so many things make sense now. Thank you for your advice anonymous

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2017):

I would tell her.

I've been in your place and haven't told, and regret it. I think the girl deserves to know...that is if and only if you are absolutely sure that you and she overlapped...could it have been that he simply got with her right after he heard the news from you that you weren't coming with him?

If you are 100% sure, then yes, tell.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2017):

My friends didn't know they were the only ones who supported me ....it was my own family since it was another member of my "family". Its complicated. Thank you very much again Honeypie best wishes

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (4 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI understand how you feel.

The biggest reason people don't tell a close friend is usually for several reasons.

1. they don't want to be the bearer of bad news and lose the friendship.

2. they think the GF/BF (the one being cheated on) must surely know.

3. they think they are "protecting" their friend's feelings for not telling.

I'd say NEVER feel mad at friends for not telling you. Just like it's TOTALLY OK for you to not tell her. You don't OWE her anything. Nor do you OWE him to sort out HIS life and HIS drama.

Good for you for cutting him off!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017):

I cut things off. I blocked him on everything. I don't want him. I couldn't be with a guy again to do such a thing especially one who knew my past. I have proof but anything I say he will deny it or call me crazy as you say. He was playing both of us while he was here in the states. I have been cheated on before and one of the things that upset me is that everyone knew and no one told me. Thank you for advice honeypie

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (4 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntAre YOU still with him?

Because if you are you need to "tell" yourself first, not her. Which means END it and walk away from him, block and delete and CUT him off.

If you HAVE ended it and want to warn her, I can understand it, especially if she has or IS trying to relocate for him. However, remember that there is a BIG chance she won't believe you. And an even bigger chance that he will paint YOU as a total stalker nutter. IF you have actual PROOF that he was pursuing you, you could pass it on to her. In general, I'm not a fan of telling the GF, mostly because the girls who WANTS to tell the GF wants to tell NOT to help the GF, but to break them up for their own gain.

And get that money refunded asap. Don't waste any more time or money on him.

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