A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I tell a girl I've never even met that her boyfriend of one year (living together) has been cheating on her constantly?My boyfriend works with the guy, and he brags/shows photos and shows no remorse.Usually I wouldn't meddle but she's only 20, a waitress and dependent on him. The kind who wants a baby...soon. I have her on FB and she's smitten.I know where she works and am considering leaving an anonymous letter for her?Or should I just stay out of it? Personally I would want to know, and would be very appreciative of the strangers kindness.I also believe highly in karma and being a good-person, so I feel obligated to tell her.. Yet I don't want to be any kind of home-wrecker or hurt anyone?I just feel she shouldn't waste her time, and youth... or am I just being weird and should leave it be? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2015): It's a tough call, but yes, as a woman, I think you should tell her. Anonymously though. yes... I personally would rather know sooner rather than later if I were in that horrible situation and I don't think you should wait 8 weeks of whatever. What if she falls pregnant in that time and gets stuck with the jerk. Nope, tell her and don't waste another minute. She could catch an STD from him, like chlamydia, which could leave her infertile. Or HIV.. think about it. If he really is such a slut as your bf tells you he is, she sadly may already been exposed to God knows what.
Then drop it. How she responds is up to her and you can't rescue her. He is no doubt very manipulative and knows how to do and say the right things to assuage her suspicions, given that she already checks his phone. She smells something isn't right. A person can only spread themselves so thinly after all. So hand her the final piece of the puzzle and let her make up her own mind after that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2015): OP here: Thank you for all of your answers :)
Just to clarify: I have 100% proof, I wouldn't even consider doing this if I did not know for certain, and it's not the only time.
Also she is already very suspicious, and paranoid to the point of making him delete girls off Facebook, checking his phone when he's not around etc.. They also argue a lot and have stopped having sex or any sort of intimacy. I know this information from my bf who is reasonably close with the cheater.
I still know its not my business, she's just so young and this could change her life for the better.
Also I would wait around 8 weeks before doing this. Time for the universe to unfold its own plan before I meddle.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2015): Others may not agree but I would definitely find an anonymous way to let her know. You could save her a lot of heartache and from wasting her time. Imagine for example that you didnt tell her and by the time she found out, she was pregnant or had a child with him? Life would be so much harder for her than if she made a clean break before the relationship reached that stage.
Definitely tell her and well done for being honest and thoughtful.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (4 July 2015):
 I can understand the discomfort of knowing this is happening and not doing anything to stop it, but the truth is you can't stop it no matter what you do.
If the guy is this open about what he does (or might be doing) you can be sure his girlfriend has a fair idea what he's about. She isn't likely to leave him any time soon, especially if she's dependent on him. And if she's unable to support herself financially then she's kind of stuck. Maybe some degree of denial is what helps her get through the day until she is in a position to leave him.
My advice is to say nothing and stay out of it.
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A
female
reader, katiekate  +, writes (4 July 2015):
 If you're absolutely sure that he's cheating, then yes, I would. Everyone deserves to know the truth. I had a friend in a similar situation. She was head over heels in love with her fiance....then someone told her he was cheating. She confronted him, he admitted it, she broke it off, and a few years later is now blissfully happy, getting married in the fall to the father of her baby daughter. Much better than ending up married to a cheating asshole.....and that's what would've happened if no one had had the courage to tell her the truth.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 July 2015):
 Are you sure the guy is ACTUALLY cheating? not just bragging and full of locker room crap mentality? Like WiseOwlE said, you only know this second hand. You have NO names, no REAL details you can pass on.. only "I think your BF is cheating because he brags about it"...
If you HAVE any details ( like WHO he has cheated on her with - name/where/when) then yes an anonymous tip can be OK, if you have nothing but the hearsay... don't.
I, however, absolutely understand why you feel she should know. But without facts, it's just a rumor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2015): I see nothing wrong with an anonymous tip. Don't get too involved. Just give her a few "verifiable details," and mind your own business from there. If she is smitten with him; it is likely she will not believe it, or will be in denial. Don't stick your nose in it. Let her find out on her own.
I'd be careful, if you didn't personally witness this bragging or see the pictures; and only "heard about it" from your boyfriend. Guys tend to embellish on their stories. If you haven't witnessed anything first-hand; your "hearsay" can cause a lot of trouble. If he's stupid enough to brag about it, it will catch up with him soon enough anyway. The girls he's cheating with will see to that. What would you profit from breaking another woman's heart? Like all the rest of us, it's better she discovers it on her own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2015): I didn't...I kinda regret that now as they are married (I had only met her twice, but we weren't friends. She seemed nice though)I wonder if she would have married him if she knew?I like your suggestion of anonymous letter-then they can't tie it to you.But, I mean you say she is dependant on him (financially,I presume) and wanting a baby? Have you thought that maybe that's what she gets out of the deal?If you are braver than me (I don't think it's meddling,coz yes,I'd be very grateful if somebody alerted me to something like this). On the other hand,I'd trust the word of any bf of mine over an anonymous tip, but it will certainly start the alarm bells ringing. Then if he continues this behaviour, she would find out for herself.So,yeah,you'd be starting a process,not ending a relationship. I can't believe she is so unaware of it, but it happens, I guess.
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