A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The woman I've been seeing, for over four months, I've, been treating her really good, but the problem is I've been very romantic, but emotional, a good emotional, telling her all about my past, not holding nothing back, but I find my self not, listening to my self, an not taking my own advice, I give to other people about relationships,if I was giving advice to a friend, I would be telling them not to do the things am doing, so I told her this cuz i don't hold nothing back with this woman, we are great together, but she don't have only one day a week for me,I would tell a woman or a man, one day a week isn't, enough, if they really like you, they would find time for you, so ,I would tell a friend, do not contact them again, see if they will contact you, it isn't a game, so am asking should I listen to my self, or just let down my wall around my heart Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 November 2015):
 OP, while I am sorry that you got disappointed and I wish you that you may get over this soon and may find your perfect match in a near future, nevertheless.. I am biting my tongue to not say that because I feel you are very disheartened,but... sorry , I can't resist :
what is so "nice " in a guy who , already at the first dates, can't allow the other person her space, and her pace, in developping a relationship ?
What's so " nice " in a guy who can't accept without bitterness that his feelings may be stronger than his love object's ' ? As if, because you are in love with her , she OWES you to be in love with you .
That , in my book, is not particularly nice. It is an entitled guy . Or a woe-is-me guy.
Suppose that for her it was really a stretch seeing you more than once a week. ( If she's got kids, for instance, once a week may be a lot ). I get it that you don't want to be forever the weekend boyfriend, then again this is somethinng that you could / should have discussed and solved together along with consolidating and deepening the relationship. If you demand that a woman alters radically her lifestyle , routine and habits for you starting from date 2 or 3, I suspect you are going to be disappointed a lot.
Oh yes, there are fusional women who as soon as they latch on a guy, will forget about everyting else , friends, family, hobbies, etc. to focus only on the relationship. And guess what ? Those are the women you get bored of soon, because they have no spark, no life, no soul but as half of a couple. It gets stale pretty soon.
But, suppose it has got nothing to do with her life and schedule, suppose she just liked you less than you liked her, or , as you say, that your feelings were stronger than hers.
I think in such a case you have two possible courses of actions :
- stick around for a while, ( not forever of course ) to see if , by being the great, nice guy tat you are, you can win
her over and make her feelings grow.
- or, if time is of essence, the course you choose: cut your losses and move on at once.
BUT ! without the bitterness and, pardon me, the woe-is-meness that are perceivable in your words. It's not that she told you she was crazy about you and could not live without you... and then you found out she was bullshitting you, right ? She did not do anything to you, but not being able to feel for you what you feel for her,... so what's the spiel about nice guy vsbad boy got anything to do with this ?
Why do you feel that, just because you are an emotional type who gets attached easily ( too easily? ) then the very same is OWED to you ? Out of gratitude ? Because you are a nice guy ? Because you are prodigal of texts , phone calls, compliments and sweet words ?
Sorry, unluckily love is not born from obligation. You be a nice guy ... because you ARE a nice guy who could not be , for the life of him, anythng but a nice guy ! Don't be a nice guy because you think it will give you game with women or because you hope your niceness and gushiness will guilt-trip them into requiting you.
Sorry OP , I hope you understand that my comments may sound harsh but are well meaning : who does not learn from past history is bound to repeat it.....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2015): Well so what I said to her,now it's over, I just wanted to spend a little more time with her, I guess my feelings were alot stronger, then hers, guess what, the nice guy, lost again, will I ever learn, just can't be a bad boy, thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2015): Tell her that you like her and would like to spend more time with her. But don't chase her.
She doesn't have to know everything about your past so soon. Don't unload all your emotional baggage on her. It's a turnoff.
Keep treating her well and take it slow. You'll be fine.
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