A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I recently went through a bad breakup with a woman I thought was the one. Even though she did it in a cold hearted way I still care deeply for her and have been told that she loves me just not like I love her. The relationship is in the past so I'm not exactly seeking advice for that. You see she lives with her daughter and a roommate. The roommate has faked two suicides and the daughter has also done that. My x has at times been very depressed also. She lost a fiancé and a husband both to accuse alcoholism. The roommate is also an alcoholic. Once while in bed she had drank too much and had fallen asleep. As I was getting ready to go to sleep she suddenly rolls over grabs me and tells me to have sex with her. So we started. Then with a jerk she suddenly say what are you doing get off of me. It shook me up. In the morning she didn't remember a thing My question I guess is. Should I try to convince her to seek professional help. Could this be why after almost 4 years of saying I love you that she broke it off because of a fear of commitment? I know I probably won't get any answers I'm just worried about her and she has almost completely cut me out of her life. We test occasionally and met out for drinks once. Other than that tho no contact at all. I was told she feels like a bad person because of break up
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alcoholic, depressed, I love you, my ex, roommate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 October 2017):
 You are better off without her in your life. She needs help but she has to be the one to seek the help, I am eager to know what age her daughter is, as she should not be growing up in such a bad environment.
A
female
reader, ALM12 +, writes (8 October 2017):
 Honestly no. You move on. Chapter is over. She find out she needs help but it may not be from u.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (7 October 2017):
When things are over they are over. She has broken up with you stop hanging on.
If you want to tell your ex she should seek therapy tell her but it doesn't mean she'll listen. After you have done that move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, WhoInTheTardis  +, writes (7 October 2017):
 If what you are saying is true, I am mostly afraid for her daughter, thus she shouldn't be living around people that have such problems. Okay, just as the previous comments said, people should go to a therapist when THEY are ready. However, some other people seek help through craziness as well. I had a friend which had a similar problem and she tended to do crazy things when I was around her. Later I realized she was screaming "help" through it.
But, regarding to your ex, it is your decision to make. If you still care about her, which I believe you do, I'm sure you will try to help her. Firstly, I would call a professional, but only to ask what you need to do in that situation.
Hope everything works out for you!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (7 October 2017):
 You sound like a good hearted guy, and I totally understand why you are worried about your ex, but I am not sure you can help this lady. She is an adult who makes her own choices. We presume she is of sound mind so, again, capable of making her own decisions.
People seek professional help if/when THEY are ready to admit they need it, not when someone else suggests/tells them they need it. This is usually when something extreme happens or they reach rock bottom. Even if you were to broach the subject with her, I doubt you would get a favourable response.
This lady has chosen to end your relationship so you need to try to distance yourself and stop trying to "fix" her. Well intentioned as you would be, she is not your responsibility and doesn't wish to be.
For your own sanity, I think you would be best cutting ALL contact with her, at least for a while, so that you can move on and detach yourself emotionally from her.
Sending hugs. It's hard watching someone you care(d) about living a life that you think is not good for them but people choose to live the way they live and sometimes we need to step back and just allow them to get on with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also should explain that she talks in her sleep. Often would roll over and look me in the eye and say stuff If it was gibberish then I knew she was actually asleep
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe aren't together and I will be moving soon for another job. Also I never said she was bombed. Buzzed maybe. To me anything more than two drinks is a little much. Also I never judge I'm simply worried about her. The drinks was her idea. She wanted to say she was sorry and still loved me and this was hard for her too. She just doesn't love me the way I love her. Her words. I would never take advantage of anyone in a drunken stupor. I'm usually the person who drives those people home. I've accepted the break up but that doesn't mean I have to be childish and cold towards her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2017): Why would you take someone with a known drinking problem out for drinks? Then you seem to be judging her. Quite odd?
A good rule of thumb is not to have sex with a woman who is so drunk she doesn't know what she's doing. If you were with her while she was drinking, you were aware she was extremely drunk; not to mention the smell, loss of coordination, and slurred speech. Even if she asked; you would have been taking advantage of her in a state of intoxication.
That would not be considered consensual, or legal. There is no way she could be that stupid drunk, and you not realize it. Keep that in-mind for the future. It's best to refuse her for that very reason. Have you not heard about the high profile case of a celebrity being accused of doing just that?
If everybody around her, including herself, is always totally bombed; why wouldn't you suggest she get help? It would seem you'd want to see your way out of that scene.
Rather than being there passing judgement.
Sure, suggest she seek alcohol-counseling and/or check into rehab. Then get out of her life. She's not happy when you're around.
Why are you still with this woman? If it was a bad breakup; perhaps you trigger emotions that push her to self-medicate. Breakups are known to do that; and you can also include exes who won't get lost as one of the causes! She needs space to detach and get through her healing process. You keep her wounds open; trying to force what's over.
You said you were together 4 years. That doesn't sound like a fear of commitment. If she ended it, she was done. You don't seem to be taking no for an answer.
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