A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is this going to be history repeating itself, and if so, what should I do ?.I used to date a guy whose money would go really quickly when he got paid, and then the week after he got paid, he would ask me for money because he didn't have any. I am seeing another guy now.. He has paid for me a couple of times, but I have paid for him when we have been out, because he said he hardly had any money.He said he gets paid tomorrow, and he will take us both out for a meal and he will pay for it. If he doesn't stick to his word, do you think I should stop seeing him?. We have only been seeing each other for a week so far.I told him that the other guy I dated used to spend his money really quickly and then take money from me. So, maybe this guy will realise that I will be putting him to the test tomorrow.My ex used to pay for us at first, but later on, he didn't, so I guess I am worried that the same thing will happen with this guy. This guy was telling me that his friend annoys him though. He said his friend borrows money from him and doesn't pay him back.
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 April 2014):
 Okay, I just read the "followup" I think you posted? (you can be brave and set up an account you know)
Based on all your questions and comments about this guy, why are you even trying figure out whether or not you should date him.
Little red flag.
Another little red flag.
Woop there goes another little red flag.
Aren't you counting them by now?
I would just drop him as a dating prospect. If it's a really small town and you can't avoid seeing him, just be cordial, greet him and then walk away as politely as you can.
No need for drama and no need to date a guy with so much baggage.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): Thanks Tisha. It is odd, as before today, he answered his phone straight way, and he was always where he said he would be when we arranged to meet up. It's a shame really, as I was considering telling him that I would date him. I don't see anything wrong with just wanting to get to know someone at first. I think it can take time to decide whether you want to date someone, and it has only been a week. He even told me that he doesn't like it when people ignore phone calls and don't turn up to places they have arranged to meet at!.
Even if it's anything I have done, he could tell me.
Maybe there is a genuine reason why I haven't heard from him. It might not even be anything to do with me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 April 2014):
Obviously he's not glued to his phone 24/7 either. I would just write this one off, especially if he's the too bossy/too keen one.
Good luck and I hope you find an ordinary nice type of guy!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): I didn't bring up my ex because of this guy. I was just trying to say that it sounded like my ex was like his friend. I hope he didn't take that the wrong way. If I said anything wrong though, I don't know why he answered the phone last night when he got home. I even told him that I would pay my share of the money if we went out for a meal. He even joked around with me, as we heard it was going to be sunny today, and he was joking with me about what clothes I could wear for going for the meal.There are a few things that have worried me about this guy. I mentioned them in other posts here. Once, when I was out with him, we were in a pub and a woman shouted to him. She asked if he remembered her, and he said he didn't. She said that she and her friend went to his house once and they all smoked weed. She said it was last year.Another time when I was out with him, a barmaid wouldn't serve us, as she said that she had heard that he had been in prison, and she said that she would lose her customers if she served him. He told me he had been in prison once for beating a guy up. he said it was last year.Also, apparently, he has been staying at a friends house for a few days. I thought it was odd that he hadn't been home. Another time when we were out, one of his friends asked if he had got all of his stuff out of his old place, and he said he had. His friend said he had been lucky.I feel like I might have been used. It's odd that he got paid today and he stood me up. Or, could he be upset with me because I haven't really made it clear whether I want to go out with him or not?.For now, I am not going to contact him,and I will wait and see if he contacts me, or see if I bump into him. It's a very small town, so I might see him around soon.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 April 2014):
 If he asked you out to a nice dinner and told you it was his TREAT then YES, he should pay.
My guess is, he is now adding a "bad friend who takes his money" so he has an excuse to either NOT take you or NOT pay. And his friend isn't taking his money, he is either not able to say no (just like YOU with your ex) or he is fabricating a sob-story.
Don't bring up exes and their bad behavior. He is not your ex. You don't need to spell out to a guy that you aren't going to give him money. JUST remember If he ASKS you for money you say no. Easy.
And I agree with Auntie Daisy. Welcome to 2014! Pay your share. Having a guy pay everything doesn't mean he is a good guy or a keeper. Having a guy who treats you right, love and respect - now that is a keeper.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): Well, it's weird. I saw him yesterday, and I even called him when I got home. He asked me if I had looked on the website to se if we needed to book a table at the restaurant. he told me that he would call me at 9.30 on the dot this morning, and he told me to be awake at that time. he didn't call . I called three times. At 11.30am, 12.30pm and 3.00pm. We said we would go for the meal at 5.00pm.He was in a bad mood towards the end of the night last night. He said he was angry with his friend because his friend keeps taking money from him and doesn't pay it back. He said he was going to try and get the money back from his friend today.I hope I haven't done anything wrong. He did ask me again if I wanted to date him, and I didn't say whether I did or not. I cant just jump straight into it though. I have only known him for a week. Like I said, I'm wondering if he was lying about wanting to take me to the restaurant in the first place, and did he just want to do his own thing when he got paid?. The least he could have done was answered his phone. He could have even made an excuse up not to go.He has always answered his phone before now, and met up with me when he said he would.
...............................
A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (17 April 2014):
Agree from next time agree to split the bill as a general rule? Also if one of you is a bit broke why not make a picnic and have a nice walk, or cook dinner. Don't get obsessed. It can be the thought, or effort that counts rather than the money. It would be a shame to embarrass a person who is trying to be nice with you. It is give and take, more than tit for tat? Forget the other loser, most are not like that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (17 April 2014):
 Put the other guy in to the history books, embrace 21st century life and pay half each. That's the norm nowadays. No "tests", get to know HIM, not his wallet. Yes it's prudent to be mindful if he's reckless with money but really, no tests, especially at the one week stage. Enjoy the date.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 April 2014):
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-he-too-bossy-or-too-keen-.html
Is this you?
I get the sense that an internal alarm is ringing loudly for you about this guy. I would listen to that alarm.
Maybe ease up on how often you see him as it's only been a week. Find out more from friends who might know him.
Give it another week, pay your share, don't lie about where you are but also recognize that you don't have to account for your time to him.
"Sorry, Dave, the phone is off at times, I'm not glued to it 24/7. I will see you on our date." End of.
I think there's a little red flag waving away here. Pay attention and be firm, confident and consistent.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): You know what they say: treat people how you want to be treated. Would you want to be tested, when you have no idea there is some kind of experiment is going on? That's first. Second, times of a guy paying for a girl 100% are gone. We can argue till we are blue in face, but this is what it is. Equality, not equality, women making same money as men ( false by the way), women spending much more money on dates with making themself pretty, goldiggers who go out on a date merely for food ( guess they are that hungry:)we heard it all here. But the fact of life is : men don't want to pay for dates all the time anymore. You might want to adopt this approach: don't expect to be taken care of all the time, pay may be not exactly half but some. And don't judge severely if a guy is not jumping out of his pants to pay for you constantly.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 April 2014):
Okay, you've been dating this guy for one week and he's already paid a couple of times?
Why not relax, find something less expensive to do for the next few dates and pay your half and see if you actually like him? You seem very worried that he's like your ex, so rather than try to empty his wallet of spare cash in the first week, why not work out if you two are actually a good match?
You're overthinking based on your last relationship. Stop doing that for now. Set yourself a mental budget for going out for the week. If you and he get on really well and you don't overspend that budget then great. If you overspend on that budget, work out if you have extravagant expectations, are spending too much at expensive places or if he's not stepping up.
It sounds as though he has paid for the majority of the dates this week. So relax.
If you are this stressed about finances then decide if you are really in a position to date just now.
...............................
|
