A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am recently widowed and have bumped into a man I met about 30 years ago who is also single and an OAP like me. The problem is I do not trust him, we have been going out together for about 18 month now and we have become intimate. He likes ballroom dancing and is quite a good dancer; I on the other hand am not an expert and just learning. When we first started to go out he went dancing 3 times a week and did not want me to go too because I would be at a different level. I was a bit hurt but let him get away with it. His regular dance partner found another man she liked to dance with better than him. Which he was upset about.I now go dance lessons with him once a week now and I am beginning to learn. But I have found out that he has started going dancing one night a week without me.I also found out he goes to tea dances with other women, when I challenge him he says it is a one off, and he didn't enjoy the afternoon anyway. I was hoping to make a friend a companion and perhaps something more. I feel disappointed that I have found someone who is so shallow. I am typing this and realising that I need to let him go. He needs to keep looking for another woman, and won’t be satisfied with one. He will make me very unhappy, so there can be no future in our relationship. Should I still go on seeing this man? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2015): Thanks for your advice everyone I will be much better off without him
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (28 June 2015):
 What would be the point in continuing to see this man? You're already unhappy with him, you don't trust him or see a future together.
Why wait? It will be harder to walk away later.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 June 2015):
 I have to agree with the other ladies. IF a man doesn't make you feel good to BE with, then don't. You don't "owe" him to stick around while he plays the field looking for some fantasy "perfect" match for him.
He might have been a decent fella 30 years ago, doesn't mean he is now.
He is looking out for ONE person... himself. YOU should do the same.
Abella offered a lot of good places to met someone else, why not try that?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 June 2015):
 If there is a lack of trust then that will ruin a relationship.
He does sound shallow, as you mention.
His attention to you is lessening.
He is not interacting with you more, instead it is less.
Plus he is not spending a lot of time with you. who knows? He may be intimate with more than one lady.
Because it appears to me that he is not a one woman man. So you could be setting yourself up for hurt.
I don't see that the two of you have a strong connection, and I don't see it getting any better in the future.
He seems to like to be able to meet anyone of the harem of ladies he sees and sets up to dance with.
Move on and seeks out potential friends in various places where some nice people will congregate
May I suggest another pastime where you might meet people, also learn a new skill, and perhaps meet someone nicer than him, and that would be to learn to play bridge. There are often clubs that will help a newbie to learn.
And while you are still learning they will pair the learners up to play games at their level.
It can be a nice social occasion.
Also join a volunteer group that is mixed in your area.
Another option to try is the http://www.ramblers.org.uk/
If you can, join a gym, where there are mixed circuit classes. There are always very nice guys in my circuit class. when you see a guy who attends regularly and who looks interesting to you give him a smile the first time. And see if he finds a way to speak to you the following time. Because if he is interested he may just say hello or a bit more the next time. So on the next occasion after that either he or you may start up a conversation. Hopefully he will initiate.
Just widen your social circle a little and meet some nice people that way.
There has to be someone who is a gentleman who will enjoy treating you well. You deserve better than him.
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A
female
reader, Denizli +, writes (26 June 2015):
 I think you deserve better than this. There are surely tons of men out there who could offer something more extraordinary than this!
He seems to be a player seeing many women at once and getting what he wants from them.
Move on! You're wasting your time with this guy.
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A
female
reader, Kendle +, writes (26 June 2015):
 Yes, you are right. Don't waste anymore time with him. He doesn't deserve you and will just end up hurting you. He doesn't seem to respect or appreciate you. Leave now with your dignity and pride still intact. Good luck!
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