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Should I stick by Him? Despite the rumours about him?

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 October 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 October 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Basically, there's a guy who I started recently seeing, what it is , is that we live in a small town so everyone knows each other business.

Recently some rumours about him have come out such as he's been married a few times, controlling person and a cheat.

The general consensus is that he is a twat. When I've spoken to him bout these rumours, he denied all apart from the one where he did get married once not few times, however because everyone is connected, I don't know what to do?

Should I stick by Him? Because I've not seen the side everyone is on about and people do tend to make rumours up. Need some advice pls

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 October 2015):

Where do the rumors come from and who are the rumor mongers?

Always consider the source.

If he's been married a few times, why do you have to hear this from someone else? Why hasn't he told you?

I back-off people with too much of a reputation. Rumors or no. It there's a lot of talk, there's a reason and a primary source from where this all originates. Keep your eyes and ears open.

If you live low-key, nobody has anything bad to say about you, even in a small town. If you make bad blood and enemies, your reputation will follow you. Consider the rumors as warnings; and judge him according to what you know and see with your own eyes. Don't totally discount what you've heard, just be open-minded.

This sounds like another case of falling for the bad-boy; and that is always going down the wrong path. Don't pretend like you don't already know about him. If it's a small town, you know as much as everybody else. Unless you just moved there.

If he has too much baggage and there are too many stories circulating about him, use some common-sense. Good-guys aren't followed by bad rumors.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 October 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Denizen

Usually where there is smoke, there is fire. Which means rumors don't start for no reason. DOESN'T mean they are all true, but there is a reason rumors are flying about him.

So yes, DEFINITELY don't believe everything you hear. Go by WHO told you what. Are the people gossiping about him reliable? Where did THEY get the juicy tidbits from? If it comes from an ex, I'd take with a grain of salt, but also a grain of truth. Could be the reason they are divorced was due to him BEING controlling, but if she lets you know via gossip I'd be less inclined to believe it.

It can also come from another woman who was/is interested in him and he preferred you over her... Scorned woman and all...

Should you stick by him? THAT is up to you. Have you seen any of these "bad behaviors" he is accused of having? Did he blow up when you asked him? Or did he explain as best as he could? I think there is a reason the gossip is making you post this question, something is making you go hmmmm.

And I agree if you are from the same small town I find it a little odd that nothing about him crops up till you start seeing him, but maybe you two are from different social circles?

I'd just go slow and keep my eyes open, I think His behavior is easier to discern than trying to wade through a lot of malicious gossip.

One thing I WILL mention is, someone told me some rather nasty stuff about my last BF, and I dismissed it because it really was vague hearsay - turns out it was all very very true. SO don't be naive either. It's kind of a fine line you have to walk.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (29 October 2015):

YouWish agony auntYou can look up his marriage history online! Do a background check on him, and that should tell you whether or not that rumor is true.

Most people leave a digital footprint online as well. Looking him up by name, email address, internet ID, or any number of ways can give you an idea of how he's been living. Don't snoop on his phone or his computer, as that is wrong. But looking up public access information is a very smart call.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (29 October 2015):

Denizen agony auntI think it is important to know from where the information about him is coming. You need a reliable source. Rumours can be started be jealous ex's and their friends to poison the water.

Just protect yourself until you know what is what, and don't get in over your head.

You have instincts and intuition. Use them too. If he really is not worth having as people say it'd going to show soon.

Are you from this small town too? How come you don't know anything about him? Get the antenna out. It's in your interest to know everything.

You did right going straight to him first. You can compare his story with everyone else's. If he has a local then a few questions in there should be interesting. You will be able to tell by the expression on people's faces as they answer you rather than by what they say.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2015):

oh how i didnt want to answer because everyones circumstances are different and i would have prefferred to tell you to ignore the rumours and gossip but unfortunately,i feel, in yourcase that here may be some truth in them and this should be a warning to you.

Firstly check with the police to see if there is any record of domestic violence connected to this man.

I think you are still young and it is probably not a good idea to stick by him when you are capabke of having a better relationship with someone else.

How you end it is your business.

It depends how involved youve become.

For example you could just become inaccessible due to family committments,health or hairwashing every time he wants to see you.

You could also just telling your dating someone new and you dont think it will work out for you and him because he has so much more experience and you are not ready to committ.

Dont tell himmore about gossip and rumours or he'll be hell bent on convincing you it is all lies.

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