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Should I stay or go? If I walk away from this, then what if I never meet anyone else who will love me?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 December 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 21 December 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend 3 and a bit years and we've lived together just over a year. We've just put down a deposit on our first home together and everything should be great but I have doubts.

My boyfriend used to be so sweet and loving but now it's difficult to even get out a hug out of him without he "jokingly" telling me to back off.

I've told him it makes me feel rejected when he acts like this but he never changes. I know relationships change over time but it's more like a friend situation now.

I admit I've changed as well. He doesn't like me drinking and I tend to have a bottle of wine after I finish work for the weekend. But I can't see the harm.

All I've ever wanted from being young is a partner who loves me and have a house together and have a fairytale ending so to speak. I just feel as though I'm settling for him because on paper it's all I've ever wanted. He is the safe, trustable guy I've always wanted but I feel the sparks gone.

If I walk away from this what if I never meet anyone who will love me and then I regret leaving him? But then I wonder is this all relationships are in the long run, just boring and loveless so I might as well stick this one out?

I don't whether to stay or go? I just don't want to make a mistake.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (21 December 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntIf you are having doubts then there is a reason behind that. Yes relationships do change. But sometimes people get stuck in a rut and they need to work their way out of it. You need to ask yourself is buying a home together what you want? Can you both try and add passion back in to the relationship? Date nights?

Look at it this way if he asked you to marry him tomorrow what would be the first thing to come to your mind? If it is not yes and there is doubts then maybe you need to take some time out to be on your own and figure out what it is you want. You cannot stay with someone just because you are scared nobody else will love you.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (19 December 2016):

N91 agony auntWhy would you regret leaving someone that doesn't satisfy your needs? You're better off being alone than with someone so that you don't feel lonely.

Do you really think you'll live your life and never find another person that you fall for? The chances of that would be slim to none.

Relationships are where you're supposed to bring out the best in each other and compliment personalities. It's definitely not where you have to ask your other half for a hug.

I think you know what you need to do you're just scared of being on your own.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (19 December 2016):

N91 agony auntWhy would you regret leaving someone that doesn't satisfy your needs? You're better off being alone than with someone so that you don't feel lonely.

Do you really think you'll live your life and never find another person that you fall for? The chances of that would be slim to none.

Relationships are where you're supposed to bring out the best in each other and compliment personalities. It's definitely not where you have to ask your other half for a hug.

I think you know what you need to do you're just scared of being on your own.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (18 December 2016):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntYou two have got into a rut. You need to sit your boyfriend down and tell him this is make or break - and mean it.

Yes, relationships do settle down, and are not always like they are at the beginning. However, affection should always be part of your everyday lives if the relationship is to survive.

DON'T settle for this - especially so early on in your life. You will only feel resentful later and split up anyway.

If he does not care enough for you to realize how unhappy you are, then he is not worth staying with.

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A female reader, fishdish United States +, writes (18 December 2016):

fishdish agony auntSometimes you might not feel it, but you are still crazy young to be this resigned to a life you're unsure meets your needs. Don't stay just because in some objective sense it feels right-if YOU don't feel right, it's not right. Give him a chance to work on the things that aren't feeling right but if you don't see an effort being made, move on. I know it probably feels like unfortunate timing given your purchase of the house, but there's never a good time to break up with someone… It is better to look at it as a time of trying to meet your own needs.

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A female reader, MissKin United Kingdom +, writes (18 December 2016):

MissKin agony auntThe fact that you're thinking about going gives a bit of a clue about what it might be best for you to do. Relationships do change and sometimes the spark goes but if you work on it this can be overcome. If he doesn't WANT to work on it then it is never going to get better. And if you aren't happy and he won't work on it then you should walk. Telling him you're unhappy and thinking of leaving might be a kick up the butt that he needs to take it seriously.

I suggest seriously talking to him about how he feels because if he doesn't want to be close or intimate and doesn't feel that connection anymore, then there's your answer.

I would try to work on it if you can but otherwise set yourself free. You WILL find someone else. Sometimes we know what we want and when we get it it isn't as perfect as we thought. Just because this hasn't worked out doesn't mean nothing ever will. What would you rather be, with someone less perfect who makes you happy. Or with someone who makes you feel rejected but is good on paper? My job is good on paper, that doesn't mean it makes me happy.

Never be afraid to leave for fear of being alone.

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