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Should I stay in my current (troubled) relationship or make myself available for my best friend?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 October 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 21 October 2008)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello y'all.

I have quite a delicate situation on my hands. I've liked this girl for over 6 months until she became by best-friend. After we became my best friend, I found out she had a boyfriend and I tried to cool down since I didn't want her to cheat or anything. In the end, I ended up telling her that I loved her. It didn't make things awkward at all, we could talk about more things than before. We would have 2-3 hour conversations. Her boyfriend leaves on a 10 month school trip (its now about a month in). He decided not to call her/email her anymore. I've been the shoulder to cry on. At this same time, I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend for the last week and a half. The thing is, I don't know why I'm in this with my girlfriend, it seems like there are always fights and always things wrong with me, and always something about myself that I need to change.

My question comes in a weird way. Should I stay with my girlfriend, who promises to improve the way that she handles things about me or should I end this relationship with my girlfriend and be available for my best friend? The uncertain fate here is that with one, I'm in a relationship (I may or may not love to be in it) but on the other I have a chance at someone who accepts me the way that I am, who, if she chose to, could love me on a level that I've never felt loved by my gf.

I'm ripped in half. Please help.

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A male reader, benefattore United States +, writes (21 October 2008):

benefattore agony auntYou shouldn't have to change yourself for your girlfriend. If she doesn't love you for who you are, then she really doesn't love you.

If you love another girl, why the hell are you in a relationship with another preson? Was she your rebound? That was mistake #1.

Give your current girlfriend another chance IF YOU TRULY want to be with HER. If you want your friend, then stop wasting both your GF's and your time.

Don't try and break up your friend's relationship on purpose to get with her. Respect your friend and her current relationship unless the guy is infact being unfaithful or just down-right a bad partner to her. You need to talk to both girls (not at the same time obviously) and make the best decision.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008):

Your gf says she will change but what if she doesn't? and if she does how long will it take? If u dont have strong feelings for this girl or u dont think its gonna become a serious relationship leave her before someone gets hurt. If u truely believe that ur bestfriend will love you more then stop wasting ur time with ur gf. It seems to me that u would have a better relationship with ur bestfriend if u two were dating.

Good Luck!

Hope i helped a bit

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