| A
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Okay I just recently joined another dating site. It is a little different from the ones I have been on. It is a site for people who are spiritual and are into healing. I tried it out for free for about a week and then I get a message from a guy who is around my age range. He kept messaging me and I didn't want to have to pay. I couldn't message him back but they have a list of instant ones you can send which I did. I eventually ended up paying. I sent a message to him and he responded back and asked me some questions. After, he told me that I sound great. He left his cell number in one of the messages, so I texted him and he sent one back. One night he sent me a text asked how I was and questioned me about being home on Friday night. He says "No hot date tonight?" I told him I had one earlier in the day with an older guy who was about 55. I may have made it sound like he was too much older for me, but it was because I was nervous and hadn't been on a date in years. This guy started going off on me he asked what age would I date. I said age 30-45 and he went off on me for no reason pretty much saying,"You wouldn't date a 55 year old but you would date a 30 year old? And you call yourself spiritual?"He made a comment about me liking much younger guys. I really didn't know what to say so I lashed out and told him that I was gonna see him again. He advised me to do that and he had no right because we hadn't been chatting that long. This guy pursued me sending about six messages on the site to get my attention. I was upset and it seemed like he was saying goodbye. I assumed that he lost interest in me. He seemed a littlefrustrated and told me that he has been meeting people on the site that don't know what spiritual means. He said my age bracket didn't make sense at all. So I sent him another text telling him that I didn't appreciate the way he treated me. The first thing he said on the text before he went off on me was "How are you beautiful?" Well, he sent another text and apologized telling me I was right and that he should not have said anything, and that I have the right to do what I want. He then wished me peace and love. So I texted him back and told him I was really nervous on my date, and it had nothing to do with age and that I am a spiritual person. I wouldn't have met the guy. He was okay with that. Later in the night I get another text from him saying, "So you dating that older guy now?" I told him "No I just met him once." He texts back,"You are beautiful. Love to have a gf like you." Should I stay in contact with him after such a rocky start?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 October 2013):
 He does not care about how you feel, and he does not sound keen at all about " getting to know you better ". To know you better , he should bother to ask you out on dates, and , at least, to have deeper conversations that his current one liners. He is killing time, and wasting yours, and I don't know why you are hanging in there so tight. There surely are other men worth your notice, both on the dating site and in real life.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 October 2013):
 Ignore him. He's a time waster.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 October 2013):
 So why aren't you taking this as a hint to IGNORE this fella and move on? I'm betting there are guys who ARE worth your time on the dating site, this one.. isn't.
Nothing you have written about this guy makes me (to be frank) think OH WOW what a winner!! This is a guy I want to get to know. And you don't sound like you think he is one either, so my question is, why are you wasting your time on him? You think if you get to know him he will be a decent fella after all? That how he is acting is just initial nervousness? If so, I think you are wrong, I think he will only get worse on further acquaintanceship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs for an update, I had a date with this guy and it went well,
but he constantly contradicts himself when it comes to dating
and he is a jealous guy who is insecure and doesn't trust. I
have tried to be nice and patient with him and he hasn't
asked me for a second date. He came on so strong in the
beginning and now he has pulled back and texts less. When he
does text it's usually short phrases like "What's Doin?" Now he says that we don't know each other at all and we are still
getting to know each other. He acts like he doesn't want me on the dating sites but won't even ask me out. I asked him if he wanted to hang out and he wouldn't give me a straight
answer. He is still texting and he doesn't say much and is always fussing with me when I talk about how I feel
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 September 2013):
For me he would go in the NO! pile. The fact that he verbally "attacked" you and criticized you for your preference in men (30'ish guys) - he sounds like this is who he is - and yes, I think he is mad at you for talking to him yet going on a date with another guy. Which is (to me) another red flag. A sense of ownership, not good.
I think the guy is a nutter - a controlling nutter.
He barely knows you but feels entitled to belittle you? Oh heck no. And he feels entitled to tell you what you should do? No, he is a stranger and should keep his dating advice to himself.
The apology was only happening because you stood up for yourself.
I'd let this one back in the pond.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (29 September 2013):
I would not bother, he sounds like an arrogant jerk. There is nothing so unspiritual as decididng who is spiritual /who is not, according to his own personal criteria- as if he had the sole patent and universaal guidelines for spirituality.
And ,since when a person with a spiritual bent is not entitled to have preferences in physical matters ? You can be as spiritual as the Dalai Lama and still prefer younger men over older men, tall over short, blonnde over dairkhaired ( or viceversa ) etc,etc. Being spiritual does not mean that yoou have to be acritical and indiscrinate and just like everything and everybody. You can be spiritual and still prefer a certain type of music, a certain type of books, a certain type of food... and a certain type of men.
If you have a preference for a certain age range ( of which, anyway, apparently you have no trouble stretching the limits if you think they may be worth it under other aspects than age )- and I don't see how that would be his business ot anybody's busiiness, he might disapprove in his mond , but challenge it like that is very rude .
I think that you are on sites not by doctor's orders, but in the hope and intent, with a pinch of luck, to find someone who clicks with you , who matches you right, - and if you dont find him it's not like you are going to commit suicide, your life goes on unperturbed- therefore personally I'd be much more selective in the pre-screening, and I would feel that I don't need to " make do " with someone who started with biting my nose off at the first convo. If it starts rocky- better letting it unstarted at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 September 2013):
 He's 10 years older than your desired age bracket. When he heard you would date a 30 he immediately thought you were a cougar, and older guys don't like cougars. The stereotype of these women are that they are men eaters so it's hard to think of them as spiritual.
He has a right to be curious but I think he talks without thinking first. I don't really think there's much difference between a spiritual site and plenty of fish. I saw a lot of people into healing on plenty of fish, just that the older ones don't get any attention; they can't compete with younger people so they try other sites.
You have to be honest with yourself. Do you like older guys, or do you just talk to them because they make you less nervous and are more likely to ask for dates not just sex? I think he wants to know that too because he doesn't want to fall for someone who actually prefers younger men.
He's already said that he likes how you look. You have to get to know each other to see if dating is possible.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): It is really hard to communicate effectively by text or email. You can not know for certain the emotion in the words. Where he sounded angry to you, for him, it may have been the way he talks. He sounds like he was very interested in you, and not so happy that someone else was dating you....especially before he has. He may have had trouble controlling his disappointment. Which, could either be a sign he was very interested and hopeful about you, or he lacks emotional intelligence, and may be a bit controlling or over jealous. If he genuinely was rude to you, I would not keep in touch. There is no place for a person you have not met, to be rude or to start telling you how you should be acting. At best, you could meet him, and communicate properly, and see how you feel about him, but be guided by your gut feeling on it. What were some of the comments he made to you? Are you certain he was 'going off'. Are you asking here because your logic says to cut him off, but your gut feeling is wanting to keep in touch, or is it because you don't want to keep in touch anymore, but wonder if you are being too hasty? Trust your gut feeling. Be guided by your spirit. If you have a strong feeling you should still see him....keep going forward with caution. If your gut feeling is sensing danger, cut him off immediately.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): Hi.He doesn't sound very spiritual to me. And everyone has their own views and opinions, but I think its wrong to force them onto someone else.Also, one minute he was being nasty coz he didn't like what you said, then when you said you aren't going to see the older guy again, he turned all nice again.Following this, I wouldn't meet up with him or stay in contact. You are a free agent, and can see who you want.There are some nice men out there, just take your time, and you will meet someone worthy of you.
...............................
|
