A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My Ex, who I have not seen in about 7 years, recently invited me over to have a drink. He asked me if I wanted to have sex. I was shocked as he married since our breakup but apparently is splitting up. I told him I was looking for a relationship, but he said I'm not the right person for him, (so much for honesty), anyway my heart still belongs to him, not in a relationship at the time, should I sleep with him casually??
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2013):
 NO... don't do it... please don't do it.
you care about him... you sleep with him you will care more
he does not care about you only about getting laid.
YOU will GET HURT... do not do it.
A
male
reader, M Proops  +, writes (29 November 2013):
No you tried it once and split.He's just looking for no-strings sex.Have some self respect.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (29 November 2013):
 No..no...and no. He's still married and only wants fun while you want more. All you will get from this arrangement in the end is hurt.
My ex husband has been married and divorced 5 times (I was the 1st wife)..every time he separates and then divorces, he comes sniffing around me. He's lonely and I'm familiar and he THINKS that I'm an easy target. WRONG!!!
This has been going on with him for 30 years. The minute a young pretty thing comes by, he's GONE..and I dont hear from him till the next breakup. I learned a LONG LONG time ago to just say no. Walk away. You don't need the heart ache.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (29 November 2013):
 Ask yourself, and be brutally honest in your response
"what's in it for me"?
Your answers will probably include:
sex without love
being used for sex only
unfulfilled hopes and dreams
lots of heartache
more tears than he is worth
do yourself a favour and see him for what he really is:
not a lost love,
not a knight in shining armour,
not a man misunderstood by his shrew of a wife
not a man deserving of your feelings
not a man worth another 10 minutes of your time
Tell him to go boil his head. Seven years you have pined, your heart still belongs to him ..... during those seven years he has dated others, and even been married and says that is now over .... his life has continued and there you are, still wanting a relationship which he says you wont get.
Take this as a wake up call, you can either agree to be the handy hole he gets to stick his dick in, between women he wants a relationship with, or you can grow some balls and shut the door on him for good. Its your choice, so which will it be?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2013): If your heart still belongs to him, how can you sleep with him casually?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (28 November 2013):
 He's using you as a stop gap while he gets through his divorce...once he's free, you will be used up....and history.
Tell him to get lost, you should be dating other people by now, not hankering after a complete scumbag.
Can you smell the coffee yet????
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (28 November 2013):
 NO!! You will get very hurt if you get involved with him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 November 2013):
 If you still have feelings for him after 7 YEARS then you will go into this HOPING that sex will change his mind. And you know what? IT WON'T he just want some varm vagina to park his dick in, no strings and he KNOWS you still carry a touch so he is USING that as a "reason" to ask you to be his F-buddy.
He doesn't LIKE you enough to "date" you but.. Fuck you.. sure. MANY guys don't have to care to have sex.
Wake up.
Besides all that HE IS STILL MARRIED. How would sleeping with him be OK?
And when he works it out with the wife he will drop you like a hot rock. Or divorce her and find a new GF and drop you like a hot rock.
Why do you settle for a guy using you like that?
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (28 November 2013):
 Regardless of HIS exact marital status (married, single, technically still married but in the process of divorcing) this is not a good idea for *you*.
Even people who start casual sex arrangements where neither party has any preexisting feelings for the other often find that keeping sex and emotions separate is harder in practice than in principle. Stereotypically it's the woman who "gets attached" and gets her feelings hurt but speaking from personal experience, I've seen it happen with men as well.
In your case you would be *starting off* the arrangement with feelings that already shouldn't be there in order for the arrangement to work. He's made it clear that all he would want from you is sex, and while I'm sorry he was that blunt to you about it, in some ways his brutal honesty is a blessing in disguise. He could very easily have lied and led you on and pretended to be interested in rekindling the relationship in order to get sex. At least he's honest enough not to use you without your consent.
He stands to gain a lot more than you do from this proposal, and he's made it pretty clear that you can't sleep your way into being relationship material for him, so I would politely decline the offer and walk away with your dignity intact. There's someone out there who will love you for who you are as a person, so please don't waste your time being a booty call for someone who doesn't appreciate the qualities you have to offer outside the bedroom as well as in it.
Good luck and best wishes :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 November 2013):
 Heck no !
First, he is still married, for all intents and purposes, you only have his word that he is splitting up and , you know, people will bend the truth if that helps them to get a desired result. Like getting laid.
Second, you say you want a relationship, he does not want a relationship with you, ergo, he is not going to give you what you want, i.e. from your point of view he's a total waste of time.
Third, I can understand , if your logic is " hey, you can't always get what you want. I want a relationship, but, in the meantime, I 'll just get miself a nice casual roll in the hay ". Yeah- you wish. " My heart belongs to him " and " casual " have got nothing to do with each other. They follow different tracks , go in opposite directions. If you want to sleep with someone casually and recreationally, you need to not have romantic feelings for him.
If you two have sex together, he will be fucking you and you will be loving him. He will be having fun, and you will be pining and hoping that maybe , in time...
You are courting heartbreak and humilitiation. I don't think a few hours or days of bedroom gymnastics is worth that.
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A
male
reader, tsnider  +, writes (28 November 2013):
no
you'll feel more pain than pleasure
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (28 November 2013):
 youll be his go-to-girl!
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