A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with this guy for 2 and a half years, it was a serious relationship so we bought each other stuff like you do, but in the last 6 months things got very rocky and during that time we split up and got back together a total of 4 times. I cheated on him last year with a guy i met when i was staying with a friend up country, we seemed to get on really well, so when me and my ex split up for the final time at the beginning of april this year, i decided to get in touch with the guy upcountry and now we have been going from strength to strength.I have just come back off holiday from seeing him for nearly 2 weeks, and have been going out for 2 months today. my ex specifically told me that we would NOT be able to be friends if i was to go out with the guy i cheated on him with, but then i cannot help what has happened. i still have a few things my ex gave me though, a love teddy bear, a smaller pillow teddy bear, a puzzle cube, a dvd and a spoon that was in his lunchbox from when he stayed on a work night once, and i owe him £60 and my mum owes him £60, but i have sold all the jewellery etc. I was wondering should i send everything back to him considering he paid for it? or should i keep it? ive got this urge to send it back which is probably the right thing, but i want opinions, experiences please.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 July 2010):
Forget the presents, and just continue to move on. You should pay the money back though. I'd suggest personally posting it through his door, and having no contact.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (1 July 2010):
 Generally it is normal to keep the gifts (in my experience anyway) as if you send it back it is a bit like "here is all the junk you gave me, I dont want it now I have my new man so here you go, you deal with it" and then they are left with a reminder of a)the relationship and all the things he bought you b)how you have just completely removed him from your life and c)what is he going to do now with some love teddies? I mean he is a guy, he doesnt want teddy bears around and he cant make any money back off them so giving them back is just a kick in the teeth!
Do you expect him to give you back everything you bought for him? I think a gift is a gift, you give it because you want that person to have it. You do not think about the monetary value and how you could sell it if they didnt want it - you only think about doing a nice thing for that person. So you would never expect to take that away again!
However you and your mum do need to pay him back the money you owe! Money is very different to gifts, presents are a selfless (ish) one way thing, whereas if you lend someone money you expect it back! And when you break up it becomes more urgent to get it back - so make sure you do pay it back. Cash is very different to a gift so dont delay in getting it back to him!
But as for dumping a box load of teddy bears, dvds and spoons on his door step - dont bother, it will hurt him more. Maybe give the spoon back if it is his own possesion, but any gifts you should really keep.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): I don't think he would want the gifts back. Money is a different matter I think both you and your mother should pay him back what you owe him.
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