A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my fiance for 6 years and last year he proposed to me. Our relationship has its ups and downs. Ive known his positive and negative traits more than anyone he knows. Probably more than his family do. He is quite loving and caring partner. My friend says he is kind of "big gestures", that he shows his loves and affection by his action. Not by words. When we meet in person he is always loving and caring as every girl would want in a man.My question is. I have some doubts to marry him because i have some trust issues regarding what hed done in the past. Sometimes im afraid he would do something that im never think of or what he did behind me. Im afraid that he will do something wrong without me knowing. He is a stubborn people to talk and discuss anything about. He always think that hes right and only regret it in the end. I think he has some bpd or narcisstic synthom. But in the same time i also know that i will be happy to build a family with him as he will always be there for me and take his responsibility. He told me that whatever happen to us we must remember our commitment to stay together and dont give up to it. Theres also another thing that i consider. I worry about our different lifestyle. In some way we are incompatible which i know theres no couple would be compatible exactly as they wish. I mean we have different view in how to organise money, time, and some other little things. Our family are supportive about our relationship especially from his side. They love me and support me whenever i have conflict with him. Should i marry him with this situation?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 March 2016):
 In my honest opinion I don't think you should marry him. You don't trust him, therefore there is not a strong foundation for marriage. You need to be able to trust your husband. I am getting married next year, but I know in my heart he would never do anything behind my back, I trust him with my life. I fear that if you get married to this man, you will be very unhappy. You both don't agree how to run finances, which will cause a huge problem when you are married and wanting to start a family. These are things you need to talk about now, if he is stubborn and doesn't let you have your say, then my advice would be to walk now while you can.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2016): "i have some trust issues regarding what hed done in the past" what are those "things" he did on the past? Trust is a crucial thing on marriage and on any relationship I think.
If not cancel it, maybe you should postpone at least for a while? This is the man you are going to be with for a really *REALLY* LOONG time! Because I really worry at the part when you say "He always think that hes right and only regret it in the end. I think he has some bpd or narcisstic synthom" and with " I mean we have different view in how to organise money, time, and some other little things." When you are married, you BOTH will have to discuss crucial things like money, if he's like you say, there's going to be a LOT of arguments in the long run.
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