A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello, so I met this guy in september 2017. Someone told him about me from his church. He was looking for someone to help promote his business. After he sent his phone number by someone from the church and kept sending messages for me to call him I finally told them to give him my number. He called after church one Sunday. We met up at one of the local fast food resturants. He told me quit a bit about himself. He talked about his ex wife and his business. I really enjoyed talking to him. He told me to call him later that night but I didn't. I text him good night and he called me. He was from another state and was living in one of his relatives apartments in the state I live in. I continued visiting him because he didn't have a car. We eventually started dating. After a while he started spending nights at my place and each time he stayed more and more days. Shortly after we started dating I notice he didn't have any enrgy and then he got where he couln't breathe. I told him to go to the doctor. He wouldn't go and he kept easing things out of his apartment bringing them to my house. Let me back up. two months ater dating he asked me to marry him. He didn't have a ring and still to this day hasn't gotten me one. I did tell him that I didn't want to live together outsisde of marriage but after he had been at my place for over a month his cousin let someone else move in the apartment. I was so upset. My boyfrriend was now stuck on me. He wasn't working and my bills were going up. His business wasn't making enough money to pay any bills. I remember telling him one day we would be able to save some money once he started working. He got down right mad and got loud and disrespcted me. When I'm afraid of his driving he gets mad and curse when ever he feels like it. He finally we got a job after nine months and after two and a half months he had to stop working due to heart problems. When he went to the doctor I Took him to every appointment, paid his doctor bills, and took time off my job to be thier for him. I've tried so hard to be a good mate but a girl can only take so much. This man doesn't like to do anything but stay on youtube all day and night and eat out all the time. He has bad credit. I borrowed money to get him a car in my name and I can't even get him to wash my car, buy me a ring, or do anything in the yards. When he gets mad he doesn't care what he says to me. He even disrespected me because I parked properly instead parking in front of a store. When we disagree he doen't want to hear what I have to say. I deal with him in love because that's what you do when you truly love someone. I care and like to listen to see if I'm the problem but I'm tired. It seems like he's the one that's got a better life. He lives with me . He drives a car that was bouught with my credit. I've been there for him when no one else was and he thinks he can just treat me any kind of way and when he gets mad. When he was sick none of his family offered one penny to help with his bills. Through God We made it. So, my question is should I let this guy go since he treats any kind of way?
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cousin, ex-wife, his ex, money, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (24 April 2019):
 Do you need to ask? You sound like a lovely caring person. This man is a parasite. Not only does he expect you to keep him but he doesn't even show you any respect in return.
People will only treat us as we ALLOW! His treatment of you is not something you SHOULD allow. Whatever you do, please don't marry this guy. You deserve so much better.
Tell him this relationship is not working for you and give him 2 weeks MAXIMUM to find a place and move out otherwise he will just not go and you will be stuck with him. Stick to your guns. Let him rant. Let him swear and call you names. Do you have any friends, neighbours or relatives who could come round and "help" him move out in a couple of weeks? Or maybe you could stay with someone UNTIL he moves out?
If you wanted to stay in this abusive relationship, you would not have written in. Get rid of this user and get your life back.
Wishing you all the best. Stay safe.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 April 2019):
 Good grief lady!
YES you need to kick him out ASAP!
He moved in with you without even ASKING, he just ASSUMED that you would now take care of him, and you did... even financially! Something YOU DID NOT owe him!
You seem like such a decent person who truly cares, but I also sense that you don't know how to set up boundaries and how to NOt be taken advantage off.
I'm also guessing that his ex-wife left him because of HOW he treats women (and perhaps other people in general).
In short though, HE needs to move out ASAP. And if you paid for the car he is driving YOU keep that!
WiseOwlE is kind and saying give him 30 days to find elsewhere.. I'd give him 2 weeks tops...
He made it though because of YOUR generosity and kindness. And perhaps your faith. But faith doesn't pay all these medical bills he has had. YOU did.
And this is just the beginning.
I think the SOONER you tell (not ask) to leave and move out, the better over all. He is FULL on taking advantage of you. That isn't love. THAT is just a man who is using a woman to support him all the while treating her with contempt and disrespect.
If he doesn't want to leave, CALL your pastor, maybe some of the men in your congregation can help you move him out.
And if NEED be, you go file an eviction notice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2019): Yes, maybe he has overstayed his welcome. He also took advantage of your generosity on far too many occasions. Then shows you disrespect instead of gratitude for helping a full-grown man who should have his life together by now. You didn't mention his age, but I will assume you're in the same age-group.
The worst move anyone can ever make is to take-on a debt for someone with bad-credit; without getting a signed and notarized promissory note. Your credit is now in jeopardy; if he can't meet the car notes. What on earth were you thinking???
You don't need advice from anyone when all the circumstances and experiences you've had with him clearly spells it out for you.
He moved-in without your permission; he more or less slid-in on the sly. He can't contribute to the household expenses and doesn't earn much money. That makes you his sugar-mama.
Give him 30 days to find himself a place to live.
What are your moral values about living together as an unmarried-couple?
If you're going against your spiritual-teachings and challenging your biblical beliefs, I can only ask you this. Is he worth all that?
Have you prayed on it? What would your minister advise you to do? Speaking as one believer to another. You can consider the secular opinions too, of course. You also have to be advised on the spiritual-level. Seek counseling from your minister or pastor of your church. Secular responses don't go there.
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