A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm writing this mostly as therapy and introspection for myself but it will be intertersting to get an outside opinion looking in on my situation. I am 20 years old and have been dating my beautiful girlfriend for a year and a half long-distance but problems have been surfacing in my mind lately. I am young and in love but lately I have been questioning the strength of my love and affection for my girlfriend. She is a gorgeous girl, but lately I have been having trouble feeling as attracted to her as I used to. I don't know why... I sometimes even have trouble looking at pictures of us together and find myself struggling to find her attrative again when we hang out. At other times, I think she is the most attractive girl I have ever seen. Everything about her is right, from her figure to her cute face but sometimes I fear that something is missing and the feeling kills me because I want to feel that fire for her again. i feel that perhaps these feeling are rooted in my fear of having sex with her for the first time seeing as we are both virgins and it has become the subject of much anxiety and discomforting feelings. Or perhaps it stems from the anxiety I feel when I think about the hopelessness of making our relationship work long-distance through college and grad school. We also have different ideas of what our futures should be- she wants children and marriage long before I do and I want to wait and experience the world with passion and romance before starting a family. I love her so much but these feelings are starting to plague my mind and causing me much anxiety. Maybe I think too much- people always tell me to live in the moment but lately I feel like my thoughts about the future have been ruining and preventing me from enjoying the present. My girlfriend is my first serious girlfriend and I love her dearly, I treat her very well, care about her and could not stand to see her with somebody else. I want to be her first, but I also do not want to wait until marriage but I don't want to be selfish and take her virginity if I can't be the one for her... I am just very confused about this stage in my relationship. I don't know if I should just let time take me where it will or end it before our relationship falls apart for good. I am worried our deal breaking conflicts may be too big to resolve, although I have NEVER talked to my girlfriend about any of these issues in depth. I am so confused but it felt good to write this down. Thanks for reading. I hope someone can understand me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Here is a humourous quote that my give you insight into your predicament. It come from Alice in Wonderland.
'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. 'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on. 'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where-' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
'-so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.
You need to be captain of your own ship.
Make a list of your options. The positives and negatives of each one.
Something like.
Finish with gf + I may never get better
- I may miss out on a lot of fun
Stay with gf + may have long fulfilling marriage
- She doesn't stimulate me intellectually
Move to Australia + Experience different culture
- may get home sick
and so on. Your list will be longer, think hard. You get the gist of things I hope. Then you have to pick one and head towards it by planning your route/requirements.
This way your ship will leave harbour instead of cruising around in circles.
P.S Women like assertive men. If you spend your life sailing in circles in the harbour a galleon will come in and make off with your woman.
Good luck
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