A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Okay this is going to sound really weird and im sure i'll get loads of people saying horrible things and not realy caring. It's advice i'm after so anybody out there answer my question...Well i really like this guy (its reciprocal but were deciding to take it slow) and when im 16 (im waiting to be legal for him) i want to have sex with him (after being in a steady relationship with him).but....right now there is this guy that i know who says he really wants to be be with me, but he only wants to sleep with me because nothing else could happen after (long story) i immidiately said no in a rage and was completely offended by his proposal. but now im thinking about it. the guy that i'm almost in a relationship with is experienced, and i'm not. this other guy wants to use me for sex and said he's teach me about it. I'm thinking about asking him if he will have sex with me as a one off, because yes he would be using me, but i would be using him for the experiance.Is this a good idea? Or are there things that ive missed that might cause problems... Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): no its not a good idea! at all!
do you really wanna have something like THAT to have your virginity?
there'd be no love in it WHATSOEVER.
seriously, do not get with the guy who said he'd use you. WAIT for the guy who loves you. trust me when your older and look back on teenhood, you'll be happy knowing you lose your virginity out of love.
and don't go making a mistake just so you can say 'ive made mistakes but i learned from them'
YOU CAN LEARN WITHOUT MAKING MISTAKES.
please, i'm only thinking of you here, DO NOT GET WITH THE GUY WHO WANTS TO USE YOU.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): Hi
You should be offended bllody check!
Tell him you have a b/f and 1 is enough, abd if you wanted to learn he can teach you. Your b/f sounds alot nicer than this guy as he respect you and is not just trying to get you into bed. At the end of you post you asked if theres thing that you missed that might cause problems yes if you have sex with this guy and you b/f finds out he'll dump you and the other guy will just keep using you for sex till he finds a new girl!
Hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou everyone for your advice i realy apriciate it. I'm going to wait for the first time that matters. =) you helped me put it in perspective. thankyou evryone. have a great christmas =)
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A
female
reader, truly_unique  +, writes (26 December 2007):
wait til your legal and dont do it with creepy mr give-me-sex
thats the best advice i can give you
your b/f will not care if you are inexperienced as you would not have cared if he were inexperienced.
your first time wil be akward and sore and weird but the two of you will get through it together and he will feel even more special if he knew you had waited for him and that he was your first.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (25 December 2007):
 Leanna has given you great advice. I'm fully with her.
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A
female
reader, Zoggi  +, writes (25 December 2007):
It would almost certainly be a mistake to sleep with this guy. Like you say, he would be using you, and that would probably give you a bad first impression of sex. You won't really learn much the first time anyway, and it might even put you off. Sex is very different between people who do not have any feelings for each other - he would probably be very selfish, and only care for his own pleasure. It wouldn't teach you anything about making love, the only thing you would learn is how to grin and bear it 'til he's done! (sorry to be crude.)
I would wait for the guy you actually have feelings for - it will be well worth the wait because you will be with someone you love. If he loves you too, he won't care that you're inexperienced. At the end of the day, would you rather look back on your experience and know that you lost your virginity to someone you loved, or would you give that up and risk getting hurt just so that you were more prepared?
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A
female
reader, O Connor +, writes (25 December 2007):
 well first of all i think that this is a really bad idea. so wat if your guy is experienced? just cos you arent doesnt change anything, despite wat so many girls think. the guy that wants to use you for sex will probably change your whole perception of it and make you feel used and upset. and if your guy found out, well my opinion would be that he would be more than hurt to say the least. this guy obviously respects you and cares for you enough to understand your position and attitude towards sex. wait for him, it will be special, intimate, loving, and enjoyable, with the person you really want to be with. theres no one better than him to teach you about enjoying sex and making it special. email me if you want more advice, eg tips, help, experienced advice etc. good luck and happy christmas hun! xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): If it's going to be your first time don't you think it would be better for it to be with the guy that is willing to wait for you, the guy that wants a meaningful relationship? If he has feelings for you he won't care how inexperienced you are. You can learn about sex from him.
Your first time will be a little sore, a little awkward and to be entirely honest you will not learn much from it. Knowledge of sex comes from closeness with another person and their body. This other guy sounds like he cares about nothing but himself, you think he's going to spend time making you feel good and comfortable?
I can't see any benefit from having one time sex with this other guy. You will learn all you need to learn from the nice guy that is willing to wait for you, and you'll have a meaningful relationship in the process. Furthermore, if that relationship becomes something very special, you'll know that you lost your virginity to the him not the creep who doesn't care about the person you are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): Your 1st time is ment to be speshal. Experience doesn't matter as long as he knows it's your 1st time he won't really be expecting the best sex of his life. If you both really like eachother then it should just flow naturally and all gurls have to do in sex is just lie there to be honests. It sounds like a good idea but there's no point wasting your virginity on some guy who doesn't really care about you. Good look, hope it helped =]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): No time right now to convince you - and not my mission either to be convincing people, but allow me to share one of experiences with you. My first bf was experienced, I was not, he naturally thought I needed to be encouraged and told me not to mind if I didn't know exactly how to do things......I smiled in my mind because although I was unsure of what to do, it wasn't my concern either. I was unsure, unsure is the word, not worried, not concerned, not ashamed, not embarassed. Why? Because... a man who cares for you will not be outraged if you are not experienced and will have the patience to teach you if necessary, and to learn from you as well. I think I tought my first the measure of MY tenderness and he tought me his. My love language is physical touch, the innocent type, I like to caress his face, his eyebrows, that I knew how to do! And I can assure you.....it's better to reserve your first time for a person you love. You have enough "teachers" here on the net - "instructions", videos, we - aunts and uncles that will lent an ear.....don't do it if you don't love him. And even if you love him, spare yourself the suffering. There are rare opportunities when such things are worth done, when the person is extraordinary, when you're sure you won't regret it, - and some girls are obsessed with never finding a partner so they fall into teh very first trap that comes. Ok, appreciate his honesty... in your mind, but don't go further honey. I'm not going to say this is generally wrong, because nothing is generally wrong. Something is wrong in given parametres. And here you have it - you contemplate having sex with a boy in order to be more experienced for another boy that you actually like. Completely illogical.
Merry X-mas.
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