A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Should I still keep seeing him and fight for him or would he want me more if I stopped communicating completely...Help I need a guys poing of view.I have been dating this guy for several months and we were friends for several months first, we work together, but in different buildings so we don't see each other at work.We broke up in Oct for a month for the first time after our first big fight, and then we got back together and even spent Christmas together. He has a lot on his plate with some financial issues and he has a child that he has part custody of....He had never really committed to me, but he hasn't been seeing anyone else but me for months, he calls me every day several times a day and we are very close. We haven't had sex in a couple of months, he says he doesn't want a realationship and he is afraid of hurting me if we continue to have sex because of attachment.I found out that just last week I think he slept with another girl that he can visit with at work who he went out with once and it never worked out....she also is a single mom and closer to his age than I am, but there are things about her that I think will ultimately not let their relationship work out, I think she is using him for sex as she doesn't really trust him, she told me she thinks he is like her ex boyfriend and juggles relationships.....but here she is finally giving in. This guy is really cute and he is nice and funny and he gets lots of female attention....He told me he loved me a day or two before we broke up that last time, but something happened outside of ourselves that caused us to break up and fight, a friend of his was being a total jerk to me and he did not make him stop it and I was really hurt by that, and he just justified it by saying he wasn't the one being a jerk so why should I care if he steps in or not....Anyway we have made ammends, but we always have struggled with him committment....we get close, or he gets close then another thing or issue happens, he backs off for another month and then comes back slowly, but no sex....now this girl....Should I fight for him, he doesn't know that I know they were together sexually (I think) but now he is calling her frequently and it looks like something is up...her schedule at work is closer to his and my schedule is at night, but we share a day off together when he doesn't have his child.....so I don't know.Would I get better results if I stopped talking to him?We have been talking recently about having sex again and allowing an open relationship. I don't think this is the same thing as friends with benefits, we tell each other that we love each other, and we get along famously, I am involved in his life and in his decision making even about the future...we talk about doing things together even maybe working together on our own projects or business.....Should I give him the space to figure out who he wants but start dating other men to make him jealous. Should I refuse to have sex with him like we have been talking about picking back up? Should I ask this girl at work if she is now seeing my man? She knows that he and I were together and I think he is telling we are no longer together which I guess is true, but we are still more than friends and he often acts like he loves me and looks at me with love.....maybe he is happy that he has these two women to pick from, maybe he will choose me, but if I give him an utimatum, he will chose her, because she wants him.Do I fight or do I cave in and go away? I love him with all my heart and I think he is what I want in a partner as far as his personality and how well we get along, I really enjoy his company, we have a lot of fun together....I do think dating is a process and it is supposed to allow us to find the best partner for us....he and I are over the age of 36, we aren't kids, we are adults and I guess we shoudl allow each other to see others if neither of us are ready to get married?I don't know what to do to win him back other than to let him go and see if he comes back again?
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at work, broke up, christmas, friend with benefits, girl at work, got back together, her ex, jealous Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Yeah! Let him go and let him do the chasing if he truly loves you.
Do you want to know how much he has of you in his heart?
Are you being used or are you the woman in his heart?
You will know when you stop chasing him.
A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (14 April 2008):
 if I have to put that much thought and effort into assembling a toy once a year on Christmas morning it stays on the shelf. Which is exactly where this guy belongs
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): I have to agree with the let them go answer. My boyfriend said I was the love of his life, but wouldnt commit or tell me where the relationship was heading. After 8 months, I told him I didnt want to waste any more time just being a girlfriend forever and let him go. I made him jealous yes. After only a week, he came back pleading for another chance, we are engaged, getting married next year and are happier than ever. You have to let them go and let them come back on their own,, but on YOUR terms. |Men are simple creatures really, make them a little jealous and watch them come running.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): You should tell him how you feel about him and what you want from him. Ask him what he wants and see if the two of you are close enough to compromise. If not, look for other men.
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A
female
reader, Ayda1110 +, writes (14 April 2008):
 I'm not a guy, but i know this.........."If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you they're yours, if they dont, they never were." very good quote.... think about it some........
MUCH LOVE,
AYDA~~~~
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