A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I got divorced in Dec 2005 and re-married in April 2009, In 1999 I was involved in an incident that threatened my children's lives in the run up to the Olympics which cost us both financially and emotionally so my wife and I had trust issues due to the nature of my work (she was not aware of my work) I was on call 24/7 as I worked for a Govt agency. I started working for a new company and was given a mobile phone that belonged to a previous employee, this employee was seeing alot of women and had gotten 2 pregnant and passed on STD's to about 15 others. I complained to management about it and they laughed it off and told me to deal with it. One day I left the phone at home whilst away on Secondment interstate and unknown to me my wife had been contacted by a few of the women via this mobile and had read all the messages received and stored in memory. She never told me of this incident until 12 months after our separation. She had felt betrayed and had went out to even up the score, I never twigged on this till after. On my return from Interstate we didn't have sex, she was always working overtime but her pay didn't reflect all her hours away. Sept 2009 I start with a new job as a contractor to a Govt Agency, they gave me a mobile and yeap it previously belonged to an employee that was into swinging Bi-sexual activities and all sorts of perverted things I got re-married in April 2009 and whilst my wife is understanding I'm really peeved with this due to the nature of my work i have to undertake unsavory idents to pursue my work but it looks really bad as who would believe it. I was straight up and showed her the content and messages I was receiving. She knows the history as she saw the mobile messages and voice recording my daughter had saved for my ex, my daughter asked me to explain it back when I divorced in 2005. She thought it was all a tall tale and in her mind I'm a sick MF in her words. I'm currently being setup as a patsy at work by a certain political party and both sides are prepared to do what it thats to gain political ground. My job was investigating corruption and graft. Now my whole life is unraveling all over again and with my wife pregnant I have no idea what to do if I make a deal with one side I'll never get a job again and the other side will see me in jail. I can't afford a good barrister and I can't use the same avenue I used last time. Should I leave my wife and run or try an fight a dirty media event that mar her for life?
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (3 July 2010):
 You love her and you haven't done anything wrong, so I'd fight it out to keep with her. It's really unfair that they've done this to you with the mobiles, especially the second time after what happened the first time. If it happens again, text all the contacts saying the phone has a new owner, and then block them. I'm assuming your wife doesn't believe that the messages were meant for someone else... maybe you could get the management who gave you the phone to explain to her?
A
male
reader, RyanS +, writes (3 July 2010):
 You have a complex story. I have two simple rules from my life experiences, which I urge you to consider/adapt for your context. 1. Have no fear. Do nothing out of fear. Do what you think is right. Most people don't have the courage to act out their threats. 2. A gf/wife/partner/stakeholder who does not trust you is not worth that role. Give them an exit option soon.
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