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Should I leave my wife or not?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 September 2008) 9 Answers - (Newest, 27 August 2014)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I'm not sure how far to push this, or if I should leave my wife or not. I'm really pissed off, not only at what she did, but her attitude that it was no big deal. That just makes me think she will do something like this again.

We got married, and had 2 kids right off the bat, so my wife never went to college until recently. (kids are in school now). Anyway, there is this guy Chris that she has spoken about, and I even met him at his job at the mall. I should have been pissed off then because, he just came up and hugged my wife before she even introduced me to him. They were in classes together last semester, and they are in 1 class again this session. Well, this past weekend, we were at the mall again, and Chris came up to my wife and hugged her again, then said hi to me. Later that night, I gave my wife a few drinks, and then started asking about Chris. I said I think he's a little too 'close and forward' with you, being married and all.

Well, we got into it, and during the heat of anger and fighting, she said something that made me almost want to kill her. She said he was a really cute guy and has a bigger dick than me. I asked how did she know, and she said that at the end of last semester, when the whole class went out to a bar after the last night of class, they were sitting in his car, and he joked that she made him horny. She asked 'how horny' and she claims he ''forced'' her hand onto the front of his jeans. Well I guess she didn't mind it because she then told me that she had him pull down his jeans and underwear and gave him a handjob. She said he was huge (like 8") and she really liked his body.

My wife insists that this isn't a 'big' deal (pardon the pun), and that she is just friends with Chris, and it was only her hand touching his dick, not like she slept with him or something (her words). I think this is a MAJOR BIG DEAL and I'm really pissed off. Should I leave? Should I make her quit this class that he is in? The thought of her being in class with Chris after seeing his 'huge' penis, and touching it, and making him cum really makes me sick, litterally. I'm real pissed off.

Thanks.

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A male reader, AlessioV United States +, writes (27 August 2014):

I know this post is dated, but I hope it worked out for you. I had a somewhat similar experience when my wife and I were in our early thirties, now in our mid fifties. We are still together after 33 years of marriage.

What happened was, we were married for 10 years at the time of her sister's wedding, and prior to the church ceremony my wife had some wine. She was in the wedding party and thus drove over in a limo to the reception, where I had gone seperately. When she arrived, her cousin, who was also in the wedding party, told me in my wife's presence that, "She got a little too friendly with one of the men in the party, I am talking WAY TOO FRIENDLY." and my wife immediately went up to her cousin and told her to be quiet and that nothing happened, but her cousin insisted.

At that point, neither one would tell me, but I found out through others that my wife had rubbed this man's penis through his pants, then she pulled it out and gave him a hand job until he came. He was also fingering her under her dress so it was a mutual petting scenario, both parties experiencing an orgasm.

When we went home that evening, my wife just continued to lie, and since then, from time to time, I ask her about it, much she will never come clean. It still bothers me, but we had four children together, who are now getting married. We have a strong relationship, but I always wonder if there have been other things, with other men, because I know for a fact based on what others (in that limo) have told me.

So if you decided to stay together, that's good news, but unfortunately, you will always have suspcions.

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A male reader, meganutts United States +, writes (17 August 2009):

meganutts agony auntDude, get rid of the dead weight, she's all used up anyway and your well within your right to leave her. What she did was not cool by a long shot. She may as well have had sex with him and maybe that's all she told you she did.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (1 October 2008):

If she thinks that not cheating then either leave, or start going out and getting all the hand jobs you want.

Good Luck!! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008):

YOU NEED TO DROP HER! Seriously, get a divorce. Does she not have a brain or something? How can she think that her giving another man a hand job isn't a big deal? This is wrong! Wow, this actually makes me really mad.

Try to get a tape recording of what she told you that night when she was drunk. Bring it up again and record it. That way, when you go to court, you get your kids and the house. Cheating on your spouse doesn't go down very well in court.

Hope this helps. You have a right to be pissed, want to dump her, and yes, even kill her. This is the mother of your children and she's doing this? No, you need to divorce her.

GOOD LUCK!

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A female reader, littlesuziepie  United States +, writes (1 October 2008):

littlesuziepie  agony auntYou know at first I thought she may have lied about the entire thing.

Since you got her drink and then started interigating her about Chris maybe she knew exactly what you were doing and wanted to piss you off to no end.

I have done that to my boyfriend whom is very jealous. I can't even order food with out being accused of flirting. I'm very outgoing and very flirtatious so maybe I am but I'm going home with him so it makes me mad and I tell my man I actually slept with the waiter once a year or two ago and he was great and his dick was huge and it was awesome!

I'm lying when I say these things and I do it for one reason.

If he wants to pressure me like that and make me mad then I'm damn well going to give it to him.

Could your wife be doing that to you?

My boyfriend knows I'm kidding when I do it because I am very sarcastic when saying these things.

Maybe she was kidding as well.

If she wasn't then you sure do have a train wreck on your hands and you should make her choose. Counseling and never again ever and no more communication with Chris and his huge dick again or divorce! If she loves you she should know its wrong with a capitol W.

What a way 2 ruin a marrage.

Good luck at it all and talk to her maybe she was lying to spite you.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (30 September 2008):

eddie agony auntIs this for real?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008):

Both your wife and this guy are well out of order. Troubled times lie ahead for you. Would you be quite so pissed off if his dick was smaller than yours? If his dick was smaller then she might not think it was worth mentioning.......perhaps she's been with guys with small dicks and not told you about them! Good luck!

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A male reader, passionatelynumb United States +, writes (30 September 2008):

passionatelynumb agony auntI would have filed the divorce papers already.

1. She most definitely cheated on you

2. She doesn't even sound remorseful about it.

She obviously doesn't care about you let alone love you. I'd get joint custody of my kids and move on with my life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008):

Well, up until the last part the situation is similar to mine where as I have a male friend that my husband is totally insecure about BUT it goes no further with us.

In my eyes, giving another guy a handjob is cheating and you guys really need to seek help especially if she thinks it's not a big deal.

you have kids and walking out is the wrong thing to do without trying to work it out.

good luck

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