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Should I keep fighting, even though he's with another?

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 November 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 November 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

After almost a year of dating my ex broke up with me.

His reasons were he did not love me anymore...keep in mind i want to marry this person so of course i was crushed. 3 weeks later he jumps in a realtionship with a little immature girl who is all wrong for him...so i stopped talking to him for 2 weeks. One night i get a missed call and an email from him saying he is so sorry for everything, he regrets what he did to me, he loved me when he thought he didnt, and he let his insecurities get to him because of how much more successful i am compared to him. Two months later we still talk almost every day through emails, text messages and have even met up to talk a few times. No matter what i do i cant move on...he admitted to not wanting to have sex with because he would feel stuck with her. I cant give up...this is the person i want...he still continues to stay with her! Then the other day he tells me he cant choose between us, but he would like to give us another chance, so he asked for a few days to think and he will either end things with her of give me and answer. I feel stupid for fighting so hard for him...but i cant help the way i feel, I want him back and i have forgivin him for hurting me. I want to put the past in the past and get back to the great relationship we had and can have. When do i give up? when do i stop fighting for what I want?

View related questions: broke up, crush, immature, move on, my ex, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010):

you should have stopped fighting the minute he left you. what a jerk! trust me. he doesn't know what he wants. it's certainly not you. he's just holding on to what he's had before while he tests other waters, cause he's young immature and doesn't know what he wants. the man for you will love you, not hurt you.

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A female reader, fi_the_tree United Kingdom +, writes (28 November 2010):

fi_the_tree agony auntI know exactly what you mean, i am in this exact same situation, only mine has been going on longer. My ex says that he loves me and he's really confused, saying his head doesn't know what it wants, but he continues to stay with this girl which hurts me every single day.

But, i'm getting wise to it now, i realise that i can't keep relying on him to make me feel better, he's hurting me as much as he is hurting his gf and i am close to cracking and telling him this.

I've spent so long telling myself "stick it out, things will turn out the way i want them to" but i'm starting to believe it less and less. I have felt stuck in this trap for the last 6 months, so unless you want to feel miserable for this long, then move on, he obviously doesn't care about you as much as you care about him, give that love and care to someone who will return it to you, and noone else!

I wish you all the luck in the world, it'll be hard, but we are all here for you xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010):

Why give him the time of day for HIM to choose between you and the new girl? He's very indecisive and isn't sure what he wants. Why would you want to be with someone like that? As much as you want him to be the one for you to grow old with, that other person must also feel the same way. Move on, find someone who will not ever want to leave your side.

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A female reader, BB_Sweetie Puerto Rico +, writes (28 November 2010):

BB_Sweetie agony aunt I don't think its healthy for either of you to be going through this and to be completely honest, what he's doing to you is sick and wrong! I'm not so sure what to say but I don't think you should see it in this way of he's the only one in my life and I'm sure you've heard this a lot but there are lots of fish in the sea, and there is always a person better than another, I think that by your dedication it shows that you'd be a very faithful loving partner but try not to smother him with what he by this description might not exactly deserve, you are your own person and if he died tomorrow your still here(so sorry for putting such a rude example but its truly the only thing I could think of at the moment) and you could definitely find better. By the way, if you are right and you get married, will being married to you really stop him from still being unfaithful with another because by his character I doubt this kind of man would be able to help himself! I'm sorry for this but you did want an answer/opinion and this is mine, feal free to ignore what I said if you dislike it but think about things before doing anything more and I'm sure you'll choose the right decision that would be best for your situation~ Good Luck~

from:-BB

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