A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:well me and my boyfriend have been together for six months. i thought our relationship was pretty good even though we've had our issues we always have managed. my boyfriend has messed up bad before, he talked to his ex behind my back, amoung others things that i forgave him for because i loved him. this weekend he put the icing on the cake. My brother in law and my boyfriend were best friend, but this weekend they got in a fight and now they are not talking. on sunday morning i was suppose my boyfriend but he didnt show up just because my brother in law was there. i had to hear from someone that he was going. it's really hurt me because we live 9 hours away and i was only there for the weekend. so i lost a whole day for his pride. i broke up with him even though it killed me. now he doesn't stop calling asking to please forgive him. he did a big mistake. it's hard to forgive him, especially now that everyone knows what he did. it was so embarrassing, i have never felt like that before. my question is should i try to work it out even if i have all this pain and hurt or just let me go? please help
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 November 2012):
 Six months is not a long time, especially with a distance relationship and a 9 hour distance is a bit much. I’m assuming you don’t see each other every weekend… so let’s assume you guys spend every other weekend together.
6 months with 2 weekends per month is 12 visits. Not a lot. In that time you have had numerous problems with this man.
1. HE TALKED to his EX behind my back. What do you mean he talked to his ex? Did he talk to her about getting back together? Did he talk to her about sex? WHAT did he talk to his ex about? I talk to my ex now and again and never feel the need to “clear it” with my husband although I keep no secrets and if asked I would tell him…. JUST talking to an ex is not an offense worthy of forgiveness… he did not need to be forgiven for talking to an ex. THE FACT that you THINK YOU HAD TO FORGIVE HIM FOR JUST TALKING TO AN EX IS NOT A GOOD SIGN
2. He ignored you when he had a fight with someone else. NOT VERY MATURE on his part.
3. You are embarrassed about what others think. ALSO NEVER A GOOD SIGN. I could give a rat’s ass that none of my friends like my husband (they don’t he’s an idiot). I’m not embarrassed by what they think or what HE did. He’s an adult and his behavior is not my behavior.. why should what HE did embarrass you? OR are you embarrassed because your choice of partners is one of a man who is so immature that he ignores you?
Is this man worth:
Not seeing him every day (an LDR needs a lot more work than a local relationship)
Embarrassment over his behavior (indicating that you know he’s not adult enough to be in a relationship with you)
Pain and hurt and anger?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2012): I just read your question and was thinking "ah teenage relationships, I'll just fill her in on what relationships are supposed to be and she'll just ignore me and continue on with this until she realizes it's not going to work and will learn a valuable lesson." Imagine my surprize when I reread your question and saw your age group.
"we've had our issues we always have managed" Wow, in 6 months? A bit early for the cracks to show don't you think? This is supposed to be the glowing, special time in a relationship and he's already "messed up badly" and you've had to forgive him numerous times?
You should have cut your losses ages ago OP. "Because I loved him" doesn't give him a pass on anything and it doesn't excuse you tolerating such shit from a guy who really can't hack this relationship.
OP what's to work out? How many times does he have to mess up and hurt you really badly for you to see that he's just not good for you? 6 months OP, you've already given him the benefit of the doubt lots of times and he keeps on fucking that up. You think he's somehow going to change if you can get past this? He's not going to find another way to be a complete douche and mess up again? OP he's completely inconsiderate and selfish, he doesn't care how you feel or he wouldn't consistently do things to hurt you.
OP you seem to think this pain and hurt can be relieved by somehow going back, but he keeps causing you more pain all the time. So your choice is to deal with this pain and hurt, get over him and move on, or go back to a relationship where in a months time you're going to feel this way again because he does something else to hurt you.
OP back to my original point, I honestly thought you were a teenager, no offence but that's how you come across but at your age and his age his behaviour is unacceptable, he's just not a good partner OP no matter how you feel about him. Can you really sit there reading what I'm saying and honestly say you can 100% trust this guy with your feelings? You can't, so why would you keep doing that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2012): From what I've read, he sounds like a baby. What were your brother-in-law and ex arguing about that they ended up not wanting to talk to each other?
Your ex seems to have a history of wrongdoings, though the only explicit example was him talking to his ex-girlfriend behind your back. Since I don't know what else he's done, you might just be too nitpicky with him - I can't really tell. But, if what he's done has come to annoy you based on your standards, I don't know why you kept forgiving him. You guys have only been together for 6 months (to me, that's not long).
I'd say, stay away. To me, it's always a red flag if an ex comes back begging to be forgiven.
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