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Should I have gay sex with my best friend he is asking help me!!!!!!!

Tagged as: Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 October 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 26 October 2010)
A male New Zealand age 26-29, anonymous writes:

i'm 15 and i know i'm bi but i've told a few people at my school and they told everyone now i'm getting teased but now that everyone knows a lot more gay and bi people ane coming out but now i keep getting asked by a mate of mine who is gay foe gay sex and i want to but i don't want it to be awkward at school what should i do???????

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A male reader, AvgGuy1 United States +, writes (26 October 2010):

AvgGuy1 agony auntAs everyone has said... you really should only be having sex with someone you care about.

If you are hesitant to do so now... you need to evaluate WHY and resolve that issue or just tell your friend you don't feel comfortable in doing it with him (and why - after all... he might LIKE you more than you realize and you don't wanna just outright reject him with no real reasons).

Don't do anything you're going to regret... just because you're horny, drunk, or both.

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2010):

natasia agony auntYou should ... not listen to anything anyone is saying. In my opinion, you should do nothing. That is the ONLY way you can guarantee that you won't regret anything.

You should wait until you are older. What is the rush? Wait. Do nothing. Smile. Wait.

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A female reader, raiders United States +, writes (25 October 2010):

raiders agony auntIf you catch yourself asking yourself if you should or you shouldn't, maybe maybe not, yes no, than the best answer is NO until you know for sure this is what you want.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (25 October 2010):

chigirl agony auntDon't do it. Too many risks, and you don't sound ready at all. If you don't feel 100% comfortable then you shouldn't do it, because you know it wouldn't be quite right. You will have plenty of time later on to experiment, but right now, with this boy, doesn't sound like the best time/place/person.

Wait until you find someone you know you can trust, know it wont be awkward with, and a situation that you feel completely comfortable with. Just because you are bisexual it doesn't mean you have to have sex with anyone. You are probably too young anyway to be having sex with anyone! And you know this, and thats one of the reasons you don't feel sure about doing this... Just trust your instincts.

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2010):

k_c100 agony auntI think this is not quite the right time for you to be having sex - you are still finding your feet in terms of your sexuality and you should give it a couple more years just to really figure out if this is what you want.

Sex is a big deal, your first time should be when you are in love and when it will be really special. The only reason I do not regret losing my virginity aged 15 and a half is because I had been with my boyfriend over 6 months before we decided to have sex, we loved each other very much, we were comfortable around each other and we had complete trust in each other. It was incredibly special and almost a perfect first time.

But so many other people I know and on this site will tell you they wish they had waited to have sex, for a huge number of reasons but mostly it boils down to losing their virginity to someone they were not in a relationship with, therefore it was not special. You have some very strong emotions following having sex for the first time, and it is hard to deal with them unless you have sex with a person who you love and who loves you too. That way you know that you are both feeling the same way - whereas if it is with a friend etc you cannot get emotionally attached because it is just sex rather than a relationship, and this makes all the feelings you experience after very difficult.

It does not matter whether you choose to have sex with a girl or boy - either way you need to be completely happy, in love and comfortable with that person for it to be a good experience.

And one other thing to bear in mind - are you prepared in terms of contraception? As I'm sure you know, gay sex traditionally carries more health risks so you need to have a good think if you are prepared for that. You need to make sure you are practicing safe sex, always wearing a condom (and your partner must wear a condom too), that you understand what happens with anal sex and some of the things you need to do to make it safe and comfortable. I would also suggest that this "friend" of yours, if he has had sex before, that he gets an STD test before you even consider having sex with him. You need to be very careful, so the more precautions you take the better.

But putting safe sex aside, I still think this is a bad idea. I dont think you are firm in your sexuality yet as you are only 15 and have just come out as bisexual, it is still very early days to be deciding to have gay sex. And I'm sure you know how much of a bad idea it is to have sex with your friends, you will ruin that friendship forever and will never be able to get it back. There will also be loads of rumours around school about the two of you sleeping together, and it will pretty much confirm in everyone else's eyes that you are gay, never mind bi. To go ahead and have sex with another guy will say to everyone in the school that you really are gay, and if you like a certain girl at your school well you can wave goodbye to her - no girl will want to go out with a guy who has had sex with another guy.

I think for now, allow yourself to experiment if you want but dont go as far as full blown sex with anyone (male or female) because I dont think you are entirely certain in yourself just yet what you want. And any decisons you make now you will have to live with the rest of your life, so leaving it a few more years will only help you. Maturity helps so much in terms of sexuality, and not many people over the age of 20 remain bi-sexual. After your teenage years you tend to find out which way you are orientated, you dont want both forever. So imagine you had sex with this guy, then in a few years will decide you are straight. Imagine how you will feel, knowing you have this big secret in your past, imagine having to explain it to a girlfriend?

Waiting is the best option for you, I know sex sounds like fun but it will open up a whole new world of problems for you so I really do suggest you allow yourself to experiment but nothing more than mutual masturbation or oral sex. See how you feel about that first before you do something as major as having sex.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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A female reader, shnookims South Africa +, writes (25 October 2010):

shnookims agony auntI can guarantee that most people are thinking you are to young to be having gay or straight sex and it sounds as though your making your decision based on irrelevnat reasons.

If you're going to do it, you're going to do it. No one can stop you but make sure you know your facts. And be safe.

You should't be having sex just because you want to have sex, but because you have an emotional connection to the person. unless you are willing to enter into a relationship with this boy and not care what everyone else thinks, then I say DO NOT go for it.

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