A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dated a guy for almost 3 yrs. Things got rocky between us. I met someone else at college. Me and this new guy dated for about a month. I got pregnant by him. He started acting mean with me. He said he wanted to take a break. I insisted that we just break up for good.I told him the baby was not his. I did not see or hear from him for about 4 months. I figured he didnt care or believed it really wasnt his. I got back with and married my ex that i had dated for 3 years. The babies blood father is second guessing that is not his child now. He has asked several times over the last few months about our unborn son. He already has one child by another girl. He is a wonderful father to her. My husband on the other hand is not really stepping up to be a father to my unborn child. I dont know if he ever will because he knows it belongs to my college fling. Should I go ahead and tell the babies real father its his or just let it go as is? And if I would decide to tell him the truth..should I wait until after the babies birth so my husband wont be hurt to bad by him being at the hospital?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks you guys for ur advice=). to answer a few questions, my husband knew that i was pregnant when we got married. and he knew there was no way it could be his. He knew it would be a emotional battle and thought he could have it together by time the baby got here. with only 8 weeks to go, he is backing away even more than the day he found out. My step father was more of a dad to me then my blood father. so i know it is possible to love a child that is not yours. but idk since we had a relationship before this other man. I think I know what I need to do though. My final question is, should I tell the dad after the birth or before? Im not trying to hurt my husband too badly in the process. (Even though I beleive the biological dad has every right to be there as well) I certainly will update how the baby is doing when he gets here =)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): hubby may not be bonding with baby now in the womb but wait until he gets to know this little person after the birth - he might be a dotting little daddy :) I'd say if the ex is questionable and the hubby is a safe bet but a bit distance at the moment then stick with your story and your hubby daddy cos he could really grow to love this child. Also, my own father raised two children that are not biologically his but to him, they are HIS kids.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): Telling the truth about paternity is not optional.
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A
female
reader, torn_apart  +, writes (19 July 2010):
I'm surprised you married your husband if things were so rocky and you were pregnant to another guy. Did your husband know about the baby before you got married? If so, he should not have a problem with the real father having a role in the child's life. You need to tell the real father.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 You should tell him now and apologize. It's better he finds out from you than from the paternity test. Since he's your ex then there must be a reason you don't want to be with him anyway. Ask the other guy to do a paternity test so at least you can file child support from him. There are many things you can get away with but not this one. You have to be a psychopath to be able to pass the lie detector test and do that without any guilty feelings. Your life will be easier if you tell the truth now so you don't have to worry so much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): First you really need to talk to your husband about this baby, he needs to either step up because he cant be with you and ignore the child its not fair to your baby. And if he already knows this is not his child he should really not object to this other man taking an interest in his childs life, this baby should have a daddy. If he is good with his other child he will be good to this child as well, how can you deny him the happiness of this baby? You should tell him and explain that your husband is also going to be in the picture.
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