A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 32 and recently began chatting online to a really great 37 year guy. We got on really well, and after about a month, we met up.And got on really really well.I stayed at his and we had a great weekend together.(yes we slept together, I wanted to, he wanted to and it was incredible)He was cooler towards me in general during the week, but I addressed this he said that he'd had a great time too but that we didn't seem to be 'made' for each other.(I had been falling for him through our chats, and I had hoped he'd felt the same.)We kept in touch, nowhere near as much as before, and then at the weekend he gets in touch to say he may have been wrong, and that he wished I was there.We had a good chat on msn, and on Sunday night I went over to his and it felt right. again. We are very similar yet poles apart - he's calm and quiet to my loud and buzzing, he even said that he felt nervous around my "new and exciting energy", but when we're together there's a middle ground and I feel it's right. I recognise something within him, and I sense his reluctance to let his guard down. He sees something in me but doesn't know how to tackle it.(I'm very different to any female he's came across before)The next day I was overloaded with emotion, as I noticed his dating profile visible again (it had been hidden after we'd hooked up)but I'd put mine back up with new pics after he'd cooled with me, so fair play.I felt jealous, although I have no claim on him, and I realised that I cannot do the "Fuck Buddy" routine with him. I'm falling in love with him and I'm very much all or nothing.I have only had 2 partners in the last 15 years, both in long term relationships, and I equate sex with love. (Don't get me wrong - Hot, raw, dirty the whole 9 yards, but not for any random, for my guy and ONLY my guy)I e-mailed him my thoughts on this and fully expected never to hear from him again, but he popped up on msn to check if I was okay, and we had a huge heart to heart for hours.He is sweet,somewhat shy, I find him a bit broken inside in places, (he's caught up in the "where I should be in life by 37, kids, wife etc.." trap)and he feels like mine. He would make an amazing lifelong friend if only I didn't feel for him the way I do.He says maybe he thinks too much into the future, and I've suggested trying the present for a change.I've taken my dating profile down, as I can't seem to get by him at the moment... my intuition NEVER lets me down in circumstances like this, and it's telling me to hang on in there.I have told him ALL of this, and he's still here.Should go against myself and be a FB, and enjoy myself with him and be heartbroken if he finds true love elsewhere, or do I cut my losses and run? How do I get thru this without hurting myself?
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (17 June 2008):
 This all seems very confusing to me, i know how you feel towards him and he knows how you feel towards him but there is no mention of how he feels for you. And to be honest i think you need to find out what he feels and what he wants because i would hate for you two to continue only for him to wake up and say that your not who he wants because having him break your heart would be a huge tragedy.
I have to be honest with you sex on the first date is always a big no no there are so many guys who would use you for one thing and although i dont think he has done this just be careful.
If it was me i would say exactly how i feel and give him time to figure out what he wants i would lay my cards on the table and give him 2 weeks. No contact what so ever and tell him if he wants you like you want him then after 2 weeks get in contact text anything to let you know, and if you dont hear anything then atleast you know he isnt the one and you can let your heart heal and move on and find that one guy who will give you everything you could ever want.
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (17 June 2008):
 I would be inclined to say cut your losses as it sounds as though is will lead to heartbreak. Your intuition may be telling you he could be the one but if he is not in the same place emotionally as you then it wont matter what you feel.
Dont contact him for a while and he may realise what he is missing and contact you. If he does and you give him a chance make sure its just one more chance otherwise a pattern may develop of him cooling it, contacting you, having sex and then cooling it again and you are the one thats going to get hurt x
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 In all honestly, I think you need to be listening to your biological clock. You are 32 and if you have interests in having your own family, you really don't have that much time left in terms of having children in a healthy risk free manner. The older you get, the more difficult and the more risky it will be.
If you are seeking your own family and someone to marry, then you are wasting your time being with a FWB that you really like.
If you have no interest in your own family, then enjoy the moment.
So, what do you really want for your long term happiness?
-Frank B Kermit
www.franktalks.com
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 HI,
I think if you are already worried about the way things are going then there is little hope for a long lasting relationship.
Only you can tell at the end of the day what you really want in your life, but this guy at 37 may just have a history of being a bit of a serial dater , a hopeless case who is unable to open up to members of the opposite sex.
Doesn't sound like a winner to me, if you want a proper relationship then he's not your guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): When it comes to sex and relationships, the general 'rule' is that a man can detach one from the other, whereas a woman needs both. Women fall in love, men fall in lust - at least in the beginning.
Regarding him cooling off a bit during the week after you'd been together, a friend of mine once summed it up as sex being like a good crap - once you'd had it you no longer needed it - and that appears to be the case here. Until he needed it again that is, which is when he got back to you.
I'd say enjoy yourself with him while you can. What's to say you won't find someone equally as compatible or better, and who actually wants a relationship that's lasting and exclusive while he's dithering about whether he wants you or not?
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do and whatever happens between you.
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A
female
reader, x.BrokenxHearts.x +, writes (17 June 2008):
 To be honest when I started reading this I thought he was just using you for sex but as I carried on reading it and I got to know more about him I thought that maybe he is just too afraid to let himself get emotionally involved with you.Has he been hurt in the past? If he has this could affect things he may be running from love.He is far too caught up in how he thinks life should be to actually enjoy how it is. The fact that you too are so different is a good thing you can both learn things from each other and there will be an equal balance between you both.Basically ask him right out what he wants does he want you for you or does he want you for sex ask him for complete honesty and dont go off on one if the answer is not the one you are looking for as you may regret it and afterall atleast he's being honest right?At the end of the day if you do move on you WILL get over it.If it's meant to be it's meant to be you know that old saying "love will find a way"...Hope you keep me updated.Take care. x
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