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Should I give up on him? He hurt me in the past. Now he refuses to do what he promised as a condition of coming back to me.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating, Family, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 August 2011) 1 Answers - (Newest, 27 August 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My ex and i have have been trying to work things out since April.

he came back begging for another chance. we have been broken up now for almost a year, but since we started working things out it has been going great. we have been able to get past our issues just fine.

The reason we have not got back together is because he has to talk to my mom.

My Mom dislikes him because he hurt me in the past so it is important to me if he mans up and talks to her, not for permission, but just to make some peace because he cant avoid her forever. when i decided to take him back was in July and he said he felt it was important to talk to my mom as well before asking me back.

So i let him be to wait for him to do it on his own and he hasn't. i pushed him a few times which led to arguments. so here i am today still waiting for him to talk to her. he has excuse after excuse. i know he loves me and i love him but im starting to think he is not taking me seriously.

I know he has his own personal problems. Í'm not asking him to make me the center of his world. but if he really cared for me and whats important for this relationship he would take the time to make a simple phone call to her.

Why would he come back begging for another chance if in the end when were so close to just being together he just messes up? why is it so hard for him to actually follow through on what he says?! it drives me crazy that i have to wait even longer to be together...makes me feel like he doesn't want to be with me just as bad

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011):

If you are back together and feel that the relationship is going well, why do you feel the need to push him to do something he is clearly uncomfortable with?

Whatever the reasons for your past breakup, it seems you and your mom both blame your BF for it. A relationship is not resumed by tagging blames to your partner. If you hold him guilty, you've not considered him your partner, but as a debtholder who now owes you a relationship.

His desperation to get back into a relationship he was comfortable in might have made him commit to apologising to your mother. And he might do that too on his own pace because it certainly doesnt seem like an avoidable situation given that they might bump into each other. But if he's uncomfortable taking the initiative, why dont you ease it for him? Like having your mom give him a call or you calling your mom and handing him the phone? Or planning a trip to your mom with him in tow?

I always believe relationships are a two way street and are usually multifaceted and not dependent on any one aspect. You seem to have hinged your entire relationship on him apologising to your mother. Is that the basis of a relationship or are you seeking companionship, love, trust, and a person who takes care of you?

All I am saying is, look at the situation in its entirety and not just an aspect of a desire you have.

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