A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive been seeing a guy for 2 months, and i really like him, but hes not over his ex girlfriend. She dumped him and she is now seeing one of his best friends, so he's really hurting from it still. However we had an amazing 2 months together spent weekends with him and stuff we had a really good connection, but he started to go distant and then told me he cant be in a relationship.So i dumped him. Did i do the right thing? Because maybe if i gave it time it could work, if i see him casually; because we had a really good connection and i really miss him and want him back. Is there any point fighting for this? Or am i just wasting my time?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): Sometimes, even if it's not the right thing to do, we only understand things through experience.
So I say this, why don't you give yourself sometime, say 3 months. If you can go on some dates, even better. If you still feel this way after that time, go for it OP. Call him, try to rekindle whatever you had, do what you need to do. But give yourself sometime and some dates. If he's move on in 3 months or still doesn't want a girlfriend, well then you have your answer.
While I totally agree with the other posters, I also know that sometimes experience is the best teacher of thing...but remember it is also the most costly.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 March 2014):
 You are wasting your time. " I don't want to be in a relationship " 99% of the times means " I don't want to be in a relationship WITH YOU because you don't quite cut it and I don't think of you as Gf material ".
In the 1% of cases when they seriously mean it ( " I don't want to be in a relationship because such and such serious reason "- LISTEN to them. If they have a serious reason, they won't change their mind just because you make sick puppy eyes at them.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (26 March 2014):
 There have been so many posts of late on DEAR CUPID of the same problem. Not sure if it's you OP or lots of different people.
Woman in shortish relationship with man, have a few good times then he fesses up that he isn't over the ex and says he dont want a relationship.The woman then sets about trying to construct something out of a few threads of nothing and getting her knickers in a twist because she feels dumped or used!!!!!!!!!!!
There is no point dating these men (or women not over their ex's either). There is not even any point ruminating or over thinking it...because these guys love someone else, which means you are seriously wasting your time.
Why do they do it? get all smoochie with someone new? Cos they are simultaniously trying to fill the gap and avoid the pain of break up...and when they move on or get back with the ex, the only hurt person will be you!!!
There is nothing to fight for, he don't want a relationship...do you really have special powers to make someone want what they told you they DIDN'T want in the first place???
I don't mean to kick your butt but he's already gone...why let it torture you.
People not over their ex's are a pain in the ass!!!so selfish and so unfair on others they become involved with.
OP you need to make it your mantra for future dating.
' Not over your ex?...jog on!!'
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