A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im a closeted crossdreser, I'm totally straight, No bi tendencies. I have a long term wonderful girlfriend. I'm loyal to her, She knows about my crossdressing habit and she is cool with it as long as she doesn't see me dressed up. Never.This coming saturday will be held a fetish night in a night club close from my place. I'd love to go dressed up. This would be my first time going out in public and I feel very excited about it. I don't want to lie and go without her knowledge. Should I ask for her approval? I'm afraid to hurt her feelings or see me less. Very few people know about my crossdressing habit. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 December 2017):
 I think you should talk to her about it and see what her opinion is, just be honest with her. However don't ask her can you go because at the end off the day she is not your boss and you can make that decision for yourself. But do talk to her and see how she feels about you going.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2017): Hi, I'm the person who posted. Thank you so much for your comments. Just to clarify If I choose to go she wouldn't see me dressed up or coming to the party with me. I respect our agreement to never let her see me dressed up. If she says no I will respect her answer. I'm aware there could be temptations at the party. However, I know as well there's a lot of tempations in our daily lives. The sex atmosphere at the party is no concern to me. I'm just super curious about it. Maybe if I promise her is just a one time thing she may let me go, but I'm afraid I could create insecurity in her and that's the least thing I want. I truly love her.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (8 December 2017):
Do not ask her approval. But tell her you’re going. If she objects listen to her objections and then tell her you’re going. Cross dressing is part of who you are and you shouldn’t have to ask anyone’s permission to express part of yourself. Have fun.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 December 2017):
 Should you ask for her approval? I think so. But would you respect her if she said no?
Would she say yes just to try and show how "cool" a GF she is?
It seems to me that dating someone who wants NOTHING to do with what's a big part (your cross-dressing) is actually a sign of things not being as great as you both think. And she might NOT be the right partner for you.
Fetish parties are not high noon teas. Its base function is to titillate. SEXUALLY titillate. To showcase ALL the "fun things" you can add to your sex life. Except you can't because your partner wants NOTHING to do with those.
I do think you should talk to her about it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (8 December 2017):
 A festival party is only a good idea when you're single or with someone who happily accepts and encourages that side of you.
If you want to be free to dress up in public, you need a girlfriend who is bi, pan or otherwise into th cross dressing lifestyle. If you want to keep this girlfriend, you can't be free with your cross-dressing.
Personally, I think you need to find someone you can be yourself around - both your "man" self and feminine self. Your girlfriend isn't that woman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2017): My friend, what starts out innocent can easily become addictive. Fetish parties are for those totally dedicated to the culture! You'll be sucked in, because there's so much comfort and freedom being around others who are like-minded. You'll grow distant from your girlfriend. How will you account for the nights out, or what if she should she spy on you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2017): You're pushing the envelope. The very fact she doesn't want to see you dressed-up, is an indication she disapproves.
I don't have the slightest doubt; that if she saw you fully-dressed as a woman, that would be it for you!
I'm gay. I'm going to give you my most honest opinion. If you are committed to your girlfriend; don't ask, and don't go!
Either you keep your cross-dressing low-key and private; or you give-up your girlfriend, and go full-throttle.
The fetish parties are for cross-dressers who take it seriously to the limit. You will be encouraged to actively participate, and be more committed to group.
It then becomes one party after another; and you will definitely get carried-away. The word "fetish" being the key-word! It's not a little tea-party! It's more than just a casual-pastime; it's a full-fledged life-style. You really have to be into it. The freedom will overcome you! One mishap in public, and you'll lose your girlfriend.
Why would you want to attend parties she can't enjoy with you? It's touchy enough for her. Now you want to go public!
Straight-women want their men to be men. Not men who dress like they do. She is cool about it. If you say so. If she was cool about it, it would be okay to dress-up in-front of her. She's comfortably buried in denial.
She passively submits; because she knows you'll do it in secret, with or without permission. So the fetish business is totally NO-GO!!!
The fact she doesn't want to see you dressed should speak total volumes! She's struggling with it, and you're about to force her to make a final-decision. Doing anything behind her back is a betrayal of her trust. Forcing her to accept it is selfish.
Choose! Her, or the dress-up parties! You go to one, you'll want to keep going. You'll have more lady's outfits in your closet than she does! It also gets competitive! You'll want to impress the others!
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