A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I been single for almost going on 16 years. I stopped dating at the age of 32-33. I'm 45 now.My heart has been hurt so bad that I'm in fear of dating again I don't want a repeat of my pass so I just allow my youth to fade away.I just don't feel like putting my wall down many guys think I'm stuck up. Even my brothers said I look mean, but I'm really not.I just want to be careful about who I invite in my life.I just want to know should I start trying to get back in the dating world or just stay to myself and allow people to think as they please. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 February 2017):
 Yeah you look stuck up because you have a wall built up, usually these two traits do get confused. Honestly you need to stop worrying about what others think off you and ask yourself what do you want. Are you happy? Do you want to work more on improving yourself and dating? You need to figure out what it is you want nobody here can tell you if you should date or not. Either you want to or you are happy being on your own. It really is your own choice. Some people would feel lonely while others would love their own space.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 February 2017):
 Are you even sure you WANT to date?
I mean we have ALL had some crappy dating experiences in out lives, but most of us move past it and try again.
As much as it sucks being hurt is part of life. There is no way to live in a glass bubble not letting anyone in so you won't get hurt. That is kind of lonely, isn't it?
My advice? If you aren't sure you WANT to date, join some social groups instead. MET new people - NOT for dating prospect but to expand your world. Maybe it can show you that it's great to share things with others.
And OP, it's not really fair to pre-judge EVERY single male out there for what some dude did to you in the past. EACH man (and woman) is an individual and are NOT to be blamed for what someone in the PAST did to you.
If you DO decide to try dating GO as SLOW as you feel comfortable with. If the guy doesn't want that, let HIM go and try again. TAKE your time getting to know people. IT IS your life and YOU get to decide who you let in. KNOW your standards and boundaries and STICK to them.
Life is what you make it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2017): You can't isolate yourself from the world thinking that will protect you from getting hurt. You're allowing cynicism and trust-issues to rule your life. What have you gained by it?
You're lonely. If your brother notices you look mean, that is what others will see as well.
Lighten-up, life is way to short to deny yourself love, companionship, and having some fun. Allow dating to be fun, and recreational. Don't go on a manhunt for a boyfriend. Let it happen naturally.
Life offers no guarantees, and there is risk involved in finding a mate. The point is to learn from mistakes, not be incapacitated by them. You're not perfect, and capable of breaking a heart. You don't have to do it intentionally, stuff just happens. So, everyone should be given a fair chance at love; and if they fail, many more chances to correct it come thereafter. Life only works against those who don't know how to live, and let bitterness take hold of them.
You missed-out on a few things by not staying in practice; so it will be like being a teenager and learning all over again. People turn to dating sites, and social media plays a big part in communication. Not to say you can't meet guys the reliable old-fashioned way. I don't think you should be intimidated by the less-personal and often-failed match-making sites and online dating. It still comes down to meeting people and having to interact in-person. Same weeding and selection process still applies.
Just be friendly, open-minded, and available. Stop allowing the past to rule your present. The good thing about life is, mistakes can be corrected; as long as there is no fatality involved. You can pursue love as long as you have a sane mind and can draw breath. No one is sentenced to solitary confinement for getting a broken-heart, or hooking-up with the wrong person. You simply end it, get over it, and you move on. That's what being an adult is all about. Being resourceful, resilient, able to take on challenges, and solving problems. Most of all, forgiving yourself and others. Life goes forward, not backwards.
Get in there. Prepare for the challenges, and be good to yourself. You must take risks. If you see red-flags or get a gut-feeling someone isn't right for you; be strong enough to make a decision and end it. You have the rest of your life to find a match. You have to be optimistic about these things; or you'll paralyze yourself with fear and trepidation. I don't know about you, but I couldn't allow myself to live like that. Failed-relationships should not be an obsession that overtakes your life; or stagnate your growth as an individual. You keep trying until you get it right. Age and experience should have taught you a few things by now.
Be safe, do not allow desperation to let you throw caution to the wind, and don't fall for the first guy who comes along. Give them a chance to prove themselves, be the best of who you are, and judge each man you meet on his own merit.
No one should be prejudged to be a clone or extension of your ex, because of similarities; or just because he's a man. We are not all the same. If you believe we are, then remain alone. I don't think you deserve that!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (19 February 2017):
 What do YOU want to do? Do you feel you are missing out and want to give dating another go? Or are you actually quite happy on your own (some people are)?
Some of the most fulfilled people I know have been on their own for a while (widowed or just not found anyone they want to share their life with). Because they are on their own, they do what THEY want to do and all seem to lead very full happy lives. They seem to have more friends than people who are in relationships, seem to go out more socially, and are all very pleasant to be around. Not saying, of course, that people who are in relationships are not happy or sociable or fulfilled, just that it is not necessarily right for everyone.
How were you thinking of getting back into dating? It is a whole new world out there, and internet dating seems to be the "norm" these days. Why not put your profile out there and see what happens? You don't have to go ahead with meeting anyone if you are not comfortable. All I would say is be very careful and stay safe. Don't give anyone any information which could lead them to track down where you live or work. Make your first meeting in the daylight in a very public place. (I find a quick coffee, with a one hour limit, is always a good idea, as then you are not stuck with someone you just know you won't get on with.) On dates with someone you don't really know yet, always make sure a friend knows where you are and check in with them periodically so they know you are safe.
And, of course, if you need any advice along the way, we are here! :-)
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