A
female
age
36-40,
*1sha
writes:Hi,I’m a doctor and I need to locum to make extra money at present. Is it too forceful to arrange a locum shift for an entire week at my boyfriend’s hospital (and by default move in for the week) just to be near to him? I could locum anywhere in the country. We’ve been together for a year and he has a hugely stressful job and will have just returned from a family holiday at the time. Should I ask him what he would prefer or just take it upon myself to book 3 days instead and locum elsewhere for the rest? I have already booked the locum shifts but could easily cancel them. What do you think? We’re not married and I feel that maybe I’m forcing myself on him a bit???Many thanks,Aisha
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 July 2010):
 Well to a lot of people (myself included) dont like the idea of working with your partner. I love my boyfriend very much but if I worked with him all day and then went home to him as well, it would drive me mad! I like to keep my professional life seperate from my personal life, there is no need to live in each other's pockets all the time and I actually think it is nice to go to work, miss my boyfriend while I am here and then be excited to see him in the evening. I like having a break from him in the day really - it would be too much to see him pretty much 24 hours a day!
So I am sure your partner loves you and enjoys spending time with you, it is just that he likes his space too and does not want to mix work with his personal life. Relationships only work when you enjoy each other's company and have lots to talk about - hence why if you have not seen each other all day, when you get home you can enjoy telling each other about the day you have had and what you have been doing. If you work together as well - you will soon run out of things to talk about.
I'm sure in your line of work being a doctor in a hospital work is not "fun" - and you will have to be very focused at all times on your work. So having the distraction of your partner around will not make the work environment better, I guess this is what your partner is thinking really.
So dont be too upset by this, he clearly is just a very professional doctor who doesnt want to mix work and pleasure. It does not have any impact on his feelings for you - it is just he wants to keep your relationship seperate from his work life.
I think you should respect what he has said and cancel the shifts - as you said before you can locum anywhere you want so there is no need to pick his hospital when he is not comfortable with you working there.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, a1sha +, writes (9 July 2010):
a1sha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
So I asked him whether it was OK that I had booked these locums and he said that it was fine but he felt I had been too pushy in my manner and why couldn't I locum elsewhere?
This wasn't exactly the response I expected or wanted!!
I had thought it would be fun to go to work together and hang out together in the evening but he doesn't seem to feel the same. I've already booked the shifts! shall I cancel them all or just do a couple of days or just do them all?
Many thanks,
Aisha
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (8 July 2010):
Quite simple - talk to him! Say you are looking for some locum shifts, and there are some available in his hospital, would it be ok if I came to the hospital for a week? Or would it be too much?
Then he will reply and you will have your answer. The internet cannot answer this one I'm afraid, something magic called "communicating with your partner" is your only hope.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): You need to ask him yourself.
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