A
female
age
36-40,
*ianoGirl
writes:I’m in love with my male best friend. We’ve known each other for a while and we flirt and have it all. We have tons of inside jokes, and tease each other. We smile at each other all the time. We share everything with one another. I know things about him that he would never tell anyone else, and I have told him all mine. We talk every day and text all the time and hangout about 4x a weekWe never kissed or anything, I think its because we were scared to take that step. We always joked about how we should just get married but that was about it.Now he has a girlfriend, she’s a great girl. I can see why he likes her. It broke my heart when he told me about her the first time, but instead of breaking down I placed a smile on my face and told him I was happy for him. I know it makes him happy that I approve of her. They have only been going out for around a month but the other day he told me he thinks he’s going to fall in love for her.We still flirted a bit up until he told me this. It was MY idea to stop the flirting and he agreed and now we are trying to back off each other. I know he cares for me but he doesn’t know I’m in love with him…I was working up the will power to tell him and then he told me about her.So here is my issue. I love him so I’m going to place a fake smile on my face and tell him to go for it. (I am happy for him, I really am. At the same time it kills me to do so) But it hurts more and more every time he speaks about her. Yesterday I saw them kiss and later that night I cried myself to sleep.It hurts too much to see them together and to hear him talk about her. So I was thinking about trying to end our friendship…In a slow manner like,Not call him so much and not answer his calls or texts. Stop hanging out with him.I cant tell him I love him, I will NOT put him in that position! But the pain it causes me to see them together is too much, what should I do….
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): Tell him! He may have been waiting for that. Their relationship is still young enough that there isn't a deep emotional investment. It is better to tell him now, than to wait and have it kill your insides. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. I'm speaking from experience. I've had deep feelings for a close girl friend for almost 5 years. It is not easy wearing that smile.
A
female
reader, Xtina356 +, writes (22 April 2010):
If your friend spends 4 days a week with you and texts you all the time, then he's not spending that time with her. It takes more than a month to reach the level of friendship that you two have. After only a month of dating, it's physical attraction and question marks. He doesn't know her like he knows you. She might dump him tomorrow for all you know. He hasn't dumped you as a friend and you want to dump him as a friend because you don't want upset him? Do you really think pulling a disappearing act won't upset him? Why do you approve of her in the first place? What does she have that is so much better than you that you feel you should get out of the way when no one asked you to? Why do you think she's better than you? I don't know what you look like, but buy something figure flattering. Do your hair and makeup nicely and show him you can be more than just his "buddy". Believe me, having a good connection doesn't come around that often so if you two never kissed, what was holding you guys back? I'm sure it wasn't just nerves. Whatever that thing that held you guys back from kissing you have to address. What are you really afraid of? Can you get over that fear or take the issue away? If so, do it. Go up to him and ask him nicely "Why didn't we ever take our friendship to the next level?" Don't walk away without knowing this. Walking away from the situation will not prevent your tears from falling. You're not "getting in the way" by asking this. But I think you need to know why nothing ever happened between the two of you. I really wouldn't give up your friendship quite yet.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 You need to do what's best for you.........if you stay friends with him you will be heart broken and will have a hard time falling in love again. Since he told you about this girl before you had a chance to tell him about your feelings, you have to do what you said cut him off slowly by not answering his calls, emails, etc. You care for him as a friend and you obviously want him to be happy so yes just let him go ...........slowly and try to move on and find your own happiness too. Only if you had told him about your feelings before this girl entered the pic would it be ok to verbally end it and reject his friendship but since he was in the dark then please be nice to him and yourself and do what you said:)
Good luck hun............you will find the perfect guy for yourself as well soon!
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