A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a situation right now where I'm almost 90% sure that I've done the right thing. It always helps to have advice, though, both for the future and the present because I'm not faring too well right now.It started with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years joining a band with another girl that I didn't think he had any interest in, because I "knew" that he was 100% devoted to me. I wasn't worried. We were so in love, more than I ever had been. I think it started when he joined the band, though...His ego started to inflate and he started to turn from an outward, generous person to a self-absorbed, inward, defensive person. They went on tour, he slept in the same bed as her, got extremely close, spent most of their time on tour together. He came back, told me these things and acted like I shouldn't be upset or insecure about them. I immediately told him that I wouldn't be comfortable with him hanging out with her. He didn't seem to like this idea, and fought me on it. We never came to an agreement.Last week was his birthday and I gave him the things I'd worked an entire week on, spent my energy on creating, etc...he didn't show much appreciation for them and ended up taking the whiskey i'd bought him to a party that night without me, that I didn't want to attend. I ended up going with a friend, she was there, they were dancing together. Furthermore, he'd lied to me about things that he'd texted her earlier in the day. The other night, he didn't call me at all, which was unusual, but he said he'd wanted to spend the day alone, which I was more or less fine with. Today I find out he had her over and he, his roommate and his roommate's girlfriend hung out together and drank. They weren't alone, but all the same, he had her over. He told me this today and I flipped, left and haven't answered my phone since.It's obvious to me that he's hiding some desire to hang out with her, be with her, bond with her even more than he already has. This, paired with the fact that things had been rocky to begin with equal an obvious breakup to me. It also equals that he's in the wrong. He shouldn't have had her over, should have been honest with his feelings for her, shouldn't be dragging me along in this mess he's creating. It just hurts. So, so much. They'll be going on tour again in the future, and I can't take the chance that he's cultivating something with her while he's in me - even if it's just an emotional affair. Am I smart, even though I love him so much, to ditch this relationship? I feel gypped. My self esteem is gone. I feel like he's chosen another life, another person over one with me. I'm broken. Help?
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affair, insecure, roommate, self esteem, text Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, marieclaire  +, writes (10 July 2008):
 i think you'd be right to leave. you know all the reasons why. sorry it didn't work out but you will meet someone better!
A
female
reader, Tuatara  +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Hi hun, totally agree with eyes on this one and you are being very smart. I know it hurts like hell, but you need to see what is happening here with him and this girl, and don't sit back and watch. Hold your head up high and move onwards and upwards!Leave him now, honestly it will be something you look back on and thank god you got out this early, because he was not the partner you expected. All the signs and red flags are in this relationship, to make you see that it is not in your best interests!!Good luck and be strong.xxx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Well sweetheart I think you did the right thing. I know it hurts but I think you would be feeling the pain sooner or later. Some relationships just weren't meant to be. Don't let it affect your self-esteem, you have just hit a bump.
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