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Should I date a guy outside my race, even though my family would be opposed?

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Question - (30 January 2006) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 February 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

Dear Reader,

I have meet this guy, (very nice) and he has asked me out and taken my number. There is only one slight problem that I am not so sure of, he is black. It's not that I have anything against black people but my family does not agree with black and white marriges. I only just meet the guy so thats a long way off, but I don't want to give this guy the wrong idea. Should I go out with him? Any help will be great Thank you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2006):

I don't date outside of my race. My reasons are simple: I know that I want to marry a white man and I know that I want to have white children. I am not a racist. If other people choose to have interracial marriages that is their choice.

I think that it is easier to be in a same race marriage. At one point I dated a man that was raised in a different religion. Although neither of us was very religious it became an issue.

It is really up to you. If you are head over heals for the guy it is one thing, but if it is just a date I would say it is probably not worth the hassle. If it is just a date I wouldn't even tell me family about it...however if you live in a small city, they will probably find out - gossip.

I used to worry that my not wanting to date outside of my race made me a racist...but guess what it doesn't. It just makes me a person who knows what they want. I have no problem with Indians that choose to date only Indians so why should anyone have a problem with a white woman that chooses to date only white men. I once had this conversation with a black man and his response to me was, "it is OK if you don't want to date black men...maybe a black man wouldn't want to date you because you are too artsy!"

People are always deciding whether or not to date other people. Everyone has his/her own criteria and guess what its OK!

I would like to make one other point. Marriage is hard and if you want to spend your time over coming the obstacles of marrying or being with a black man that is fine. But if you just don't feel like working on those issues because you don't feel like it that is fine too (and probably easier...there is nothing wrong with taking the easier route).

Just yesterday I turned down two black men that were hitting on me. I just happened to "run" into them in various places - the first wanted to give me his card out of the blue - and I told him I did not need it. The second followed me in the drug store and said that I was charming and asked if I was married. I had gloves on so he could not see my hands...I said "Yes I am married!" That ended that. I was polite in both cases.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006):

If you decide to date him you should inform him of your parents beliefs on the first date so if he can decide for himself if he would like to be associated with your family should your relationship progress. This may be hard to say to him given the fact that their beliefs are racist. If you like this guy as a person you would not subject him to this sort of situation.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (30 January 2006):

willywombat agony auntI don't know how old you are. I suggest if you are young and living under your parents roof this is going to be very difficult for you.

Your family sound racist. The colour of this guy's skin should mean nothing. If he treats you right and you like him then go for it. Like I said tho, if you are still at home then it could be difficult and you might want to wait until you can move out. if not GO FOR IT! Stuff'em and enjoy yourself.

I wish you good luck x

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A female reader, beenthere +, writes (30 January 2006):

your family are racist. there is nothing wrong with mixed race couples. if he's nice and he's going to treat you right then go for it.

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