A
female
age
41-50,
*rinPatterson
writes:Oh this is so strange, the guy that I have been dating, now every couple of weeks for 2 years is in the hospital with a clogged stent in his plumbing?.. I mean those were the words he used and honestly I am not in love with him and well I don't know why I continue to date him and this time around I really was going to tell him that I think it's best we just stay friends because he is not my type. He then tells me has a "clogged stent" and is in the hospital! I mean at first I said who has to stay overnight to get there "dick" tested.. and then I said well it's really not a big deal because it kind of gets me off the hook.. I really didn't want to have to talk with him about not well just feeling crappy about leading him on. I don't lead him on well maybe he doesn't care but I do.. I can't date in good conscience, it's strange but I know he is not for me and it is not fair for me to leave him hanging around and not tell him that well I don't care for him that way and I don't want to be a well..arhg..and now he tells me he has a clogged member.. and I just don't think... it's just not there. He buys me gifts and does nice things and I just feel bad that's all.I don't think I should continue to take things from someone I am not attracted to in that way. Isn't that awful? I just don't think I should take the gifts any more or go for dinner. I mean it's just little things.. I really don't think it's a good idea. I feel bad taking from him. My girlfriends say nono take take.. but I just feel bad. What do you reckon? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ErinPatterson +, writes (29 March 2009):
ErinPatterson is verified as being by the original poster of the question He lied. I found out he lied. I dont feel bad..I asked him about his heart and he specifically said it was not his heart. So he lied. I used to justify taking from him because I would say this man is sitting here and lieing to me and I would pass it off and say nanaah..but I now know that he is lieing and he has lied and I honestly think it is like a game for him..how much do I have to give her to keep her there and my life here and keep her at bay and have her "on call" which I think that is what the last gift was about I stopped reponding for a few days..I mean I just stopped returning the calls. I think he just likes to know I am there..and I really am not. I mean if he didnt lie or decides some day to come clean with his lies fine..he cannot "value" my friendship at all if he continues to lie..I kept giving him the benefit of the dought and well I really am just kind of letting it go..
A
female
reader, ErinPatterson +, writes (26 March 2009):
ErinPatterson is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know I asked him if it was his heart when he had said he had a "clogged artery" or "plumbing problems"..I said well when a man refers to "plumbing" I assume they mean "down there" but when he said artery and stent..I thought heart..I mean men do have arteries in there well "plumbing". I mean I got the message in an email this morning..I had cancelled dinner a few times and was not answereing my phone..I just have had other matters going on in my life right now that have racked my nerves so finally when I said I have to end this for a bit..I got his email this morning..saying he was in the hospital having tests..oh and I am caught because I feel like "used" also only because I have allowd it over a period of 2 years..we dated on and off for months and I nver nver did anything at all because I had just kind of not felt a thing..other than he is a nice guy and I am wondering if he is lieing about being married..but again I was not in live at all and am not now. I am concerned for his health as I would be any friend.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (26 March 2009):
 Like the other posts, I reckon his 'clogged plumbing' is heart-related and you refer to a 'clogged member'...a clogged organ (heart) surely? If he has a poorly heart function then that would certain influence his function in other areas of his body too. If he has confirmed heart disease then the surgeons have probably had that little chat about life chances and the risks of corrective procedures. He is probably feeling a bit scared (I would be!) and vulnerable and is buying your attention via gifts. Of course it is not good to drag this out by taking and taking, but he may need a good friend to lean on and you should really talk to him about his medical situation before running away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): sorry to say - the "plumbing" he is referring to here is an artery around his heart. that is where they put stents. he is saying he needs open heart surgery and you are just thinking its all about his penis.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): I would not continue to take from him. Your not interested in him, but he is interested in you, so you are leading him on if you continue to take what he gives you. It's not fair to play games with someones heart. And your not doing him any favors by feeling sorry for him. Do the right thing and tell him the truth. I'm glad you have a conscience unlike your friends! :0)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 March 2009):
 I reckon what you reckon, it's wrong to be leading him on and take his gifts. Tell me, how much older is he than you? And by the way maybe I'm wrong on this but I'm willing to bet he is talking about his arteries not his penis.
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