A
female
age
22-25,
*ea_1999
writes:Hi there! I was wondering if you could help me...Basically, there's a situation I'm in where I just need some advice and guidance. So, I'd be grateful to receive some answers. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly half a year now and I've known him for eight months in total. We met in college and I knew how he felt about it, he absolute hated college, he always told me, even before we got together how much he wanted to leave. I knew what his character was like, he's straightforward, sensitive, he always puts me before anything and likes to do things for himself and doesn't want to rely on anyone. A couple of months after he left college, which I was okay with as he wasn't enjoying it as he felt like he was repeating what he already learnt, but now after a few months of leaving he stays at home all day and plays on his Xbox. He said he's looking into doing an apprenticeship in computer engineering, but he doesn't want to fully go for it until he's ready. It's coming up to the six weeks holiday, which I know is a time for relaxing, but I think he could also look into going for an apprenticeship. I'm too scared to talk about it, just in case I hurt his feelings or strike a nerve. The main reason why I'm saying all of this is because of my Mothers opinion about him. She likes him very much, but she feels I shouldn't stay with him because he hasn't bothered to do anything at all. This sets my mind into a mode whether or not I should stay by his side, because I love and care about him dearly, but my Mothers opinions and her saying stuff like, "You shouldn't stay with a bum! If he doesn't find something soon, then you need to reconsider your relationship! He's had all this time and has spent all of his time at home!" Her words are true and affect me greatly, but I love him and want him to do what he wants. I can't dictate what he does! I don't own him! However, I sometimes worry about the future. I know it may be sudden to say that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I honestly do! That's why I'm scared that this behaviour will continue. I don't want to be the only one who makes the effort to go for jobs/interviews and makes the effort.So, my honest question is:Should I stay with him and see how things play out (this includes talking to him, which'll be hard) or should I just end things where they stand?I need help. Please!xxx Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 June 2017):
 I agree with your mother, yet it is your life and your future. I accept that you love him, but is that enough for the future? Do you want marriage? Children? A house? If he cannot be bothered looking for work at the moment then you can bet that won't change much in the future! I think it needs to come from him though, he needs to want to get up and look for a job or an apprentice. Am afraid you cannot do that for him. Yes talk to him and tell him your concerns, but you are correct you cannot tell him what to do.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 June 2017):
 Your mother is right.
I think you're well within your rights to tell him to get off his ass and get into gear looking for an apprenticeship. Sure you can't force him to do it, but why would you want to stay with a lazy guy?
Tell him, he either starts being proactive or you will find someone more ambitious.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2017): Your mother is absolutely correct, and you're hoping you'll come here and be told what you want to hear.
You've seen that he gave-up his education just to sit home and play his Xbox like he's still a kid. That is what he has chosen for himself. He does it all day. But to make you think he has a plan (and for your mom's benefit); he tells you he's going to look into an apprenticeship in computer engineering.
When??? Next week, next year? In five, maybe 10 years?!!
He may be everything you've described him to be, but he's lazy. He has to work and earn a living before he can take-on a family.
The time to start that, is now! So get any notions of marrying him out of your head; because he will procrastinate, while you're completing your education.
He will never finish anything he starts, if it's too hard.
Computer engineering is difficult, and he will still need to study and apply himself. There will be repetitiveness; which is part of learning. Maybe he chose a major that didn't interest him. Well, he'd better get back into it, because the more time you waste; the less motivated you become.
Best he'll offer you is getting you pregnant; so you'll end-up struggling. Trying to raise a child and work; because he won't earn enough to support himself and a family.
It doesn't make him a bad guy, but it does mean he doesn't have foresight for his future. You are getting your education, because you want a career and a better earning potential. He just wants to get by. It's not up to you to be nagging and prodding him to get off his ass. If he isn't self-motivated now; he never will be.
Listen to your mother. Her advice not only comes from experience, it comes from the center of her love for you.
She and I both agree and know this. You deserve better!
...............................
|
